Stressed Out

by Rebecca
(Woodstock, GA)

My mom is joined to my hip. I cannot go out of the room she is looking for me. She has to constantly interact with me....even if I am on the computer she is trying on clothes anything to get my attention.

When I cook I let her help me. I have been married for two years and I believe she would sleep between us if she could. I do believe she has a crush on my husband.

I find it funny but my husband gets a little nervous. She never stops talking. I need some time alone. The only thing she talks about is the people that have died.

If I say something to my husband she wants to know what I said. She does not want us to take a nap or go anywhere. This is so unfair to my husband.

She wants her and I to eat out constantly. I feel I am leaving my husband behind. We never get to spend any time together. Please help me ..


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by: Anonymous

Dear Rebecca,
How are you and your new husband supposed to know how to be caregivers and keep boundaries? Since I am not a professional I cannot comment on your mother but as someone who is helping care for my own mom I can suggest to you that you do whatever it takes to find some education help.

I belong to a caregiver support group and I sure learn a lot from the members and the leader/counselor of the group and it's free (I drop everything to attend this meeting once a month). When I was young I thought I would be taking care of my mom with her living with me/us but now that caregiving is a reality I know for sure I am not physically or emotionally able to offer our home to my mom and I'm okay with that (I don't do guilt, guilt is not helpful in any way).

Support for you and your husband can be found through nursing homes/care facilities and check with your city/county senior advocate centers etc. Keep searching until you find the help that can sooth you and teach you the tools to keep your serenity and sanity.

If one person you call cannot help ask them "who can you refer me to that may be able to help me?"
Hope this helps a little, I feel your pain.
mary santa rosa ca

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