Stick a fork in me, I'm done

by Anonymous

First of all, thank you so very much for this site. I read it from time to time and find comfort that I am not alone.

I am in my mid-fifties, single, the baby and only daughter in the family. I have two brothers whereas only one of them is helpful in caregiving to my elderly parents whom are in their early nineties.

I recently placed my mom in a nursing home and everyone hates for it. My father seems traumatized, one brother is silent and the other, that does not help has a whole lot to say.

My nephew and his mom think I've done a terrible thing. I gave up my job and now my apartment to move in and be my parents' full-time caregiver.

I have no income, no benefits, no savings, no social life and I am bad for placing my mom in a nursing home. My mom is incontinent, both with bowels and bladder. She is unable to stand or walk. She hallucinates and sleeps most of the day.

She would eat like a bird and hardly no liquids.

She became weaker and weaker whereas I was afraid she would fall or I would fall. She broke her shoulder last year falling out of bed but came home too soon from rehab.

I was working at the time and could not focus on what was happening. Since she has been in the nursing home, her health has turned 180.

Her color is back, she is eating, she has proper care daily. I have lupus and I still take care of my dad. He is very frail and incontinent also. He is, however, still able to walk with a cane and go to the bathroom on his own.

I sleep on a very uncomfortable cot and have to listen out for my dad. I cook, clean, laundry, grocery shop, pay the bills, visit my mom, do her laundry. So my big older brother who never helps, decides to pop in one day and tell me that mom should be home, she is ok.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Thank you for letting me vent. God bless us all.

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Stick a fork in me too.
by: Anonymous

I’m done.

you're ok and you did ok
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry your siblings are incorrect in placing your mom in a nursing home. Sounds to me like you did EXACTLY what you needed to do.

It might benefit your dad to be there too, and I'm POSITIVE it would benefit you as well. Here's what I would do (even though you haven't asked me): I would sit down and write a letter - email or snail mail - to all the "concerned" family members that have given an opinion about how you're managing the care of your parents.

Tell them what you've said here (copy and paste! You've been very specific and extremely clear). Put in writing what you've gone through and continue to go through. Invite them to take over for you so you can take care of yourself.

See how fast no one will volunteer to step up. Your health and happiness are meaningful too, and they need to understand that. Stand up for yourself and tell them to take the job.Take care of yourself how you need to, and do so NOW before you cannot. Hugs for you!

He should be the caregiver
by: Anonymous

mom should be home, she is ok. Repeat back to your brother exactly what he told you. He should be her caregiver if he doesn’t want her to stay in the nursing home. If he is unwilling to do that, Tell him you don’t want to hear another word about this matter and that she requires nursing home care

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