Starting at 59..No Before!

by Kimberly
(Maryland)

When I was 33 my mom's 2nd husband was put on dialysis and she went back to work for benefits.


I stepped up to help her and ended up taking care of everything while my sisters did nothing. Cut her grass...laundry...cleaning and taking my step dad TO ALL his appointments.

He had an amputation. Took him to rehab..everyday...all the while raising my son. Eight years later my step dad dies...Mom moves in with me because she lost her house. At the age of 59!

Oh.. And did I say NO SUPPORT FROM MY SISTERS. THE ONE OLDER SAID THAT I HAVE TO DO IT TO MYSELF...THE OTHER YOUNGER, LIVES ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN OREGON. So then Mom's step father, who had taken care of my grandmother became less independent so I took care of him...EVERYDAY, not my mom or my sister.
He also had an amputation. So several years again of lugging a wheelchair in and out of cars.(Which I believe was the cause of a miscarriage that I had).

Fast forward 7 years. My grandfather passed away. My mom still lives with me stays in bed and refuses to get help with her depression and says she is in constant pain from Rheumatoid arthritis.

I AM 48 NOW! Life has passed me by...I would have welcomed caregiving in my 50's or 60's and cannot stand when people who are just starting to "care" for someone say welcome to the sandwich years. Really, if you only knew. Yeah...I guess I am a bit resentful. Funny thing I never was until I finally was able to step back breathe and see the chaos that was my life for so long.

And sadly now I see the affects it had on my one and only son. I have no idea where to go from here. My relationship with my mother who still lives with me is damaged beyond repair. I just want to move far,far away!

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Feeling Badly
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I have turned over caring for my mother to by brother.

She is depressed and doesn't want to be alone. I feel guilty because as soon as I see her, I can't get out of her apartment fast enough. I feel guilty because I can no longer deal with her and no matter how hard I try I can't deal with her.

My husband pointed out that I get anxiety when I have to do something for her and crabby and take things out on him.

She has told me I'll never get a husband, I'm not good enough, etc. So this causes me severe anxiety, I'm not longer interested in her abuse.
At one point I thought I would have a heart attack.

Now she realized that her abuse has caused me pain, she is terminally ill. Now so wants me to come over and sit with her. I physically and mentally can't do it. I have no idea what to do at this point??? Any advice

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