Standing On My Own Two Feet
My mom was a great mom as far as taking care of my physical needs growing up, but when a tragedy struck out family, both of my parents checked out emotionally. We kids were on our own. We learned at a very young age to act like something never happened and never deal with anything...deny deny deny!!
I believe my mom is in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's. Since I've been around her every single day for over a year now I see things that no one else sees.
When I try to explain to my siblings and other family members what I'm seeing they chalk it up to natural aging and that they often do the same things she does. They just don't get it. There's no chance of getting her any help as long as I'm the only one that believes what I'm seeing.
Ideally my mom would love to live with another sibling, even though I'm the one that has always been there for her during surgeries, accidents, and other life crisis. My sibling is agreeable to her living with their family. What she REALLY wants is for one of us to move here, but there is no chance of that happening for many years if ever.
I really struggle because it has always been obvious to me that I am not her favorite. I don't blame my sibling for that. They were put in that position many years ago.
If it weren't for my husband I would not have made it through the last year. He sees EXACTLY what I see as far as the dynamics of our relationship goes.
I cannot live for years upon years caring for my mom. She struggles with believing anything I tell her. She has made her mistakes in her life, but she retells them with her being the poor victim and never the victimizer.
However, when she recalls stories of my mistake it's always preceded by..."I told you not to...if only you had..." I'm never allowed to be the victim. I'm just the stubborn daughter that never listened to her. Why would I? When a person makes no emotional investment in a child from a very young age on they learn to cope and make it on their own.
I am past the point of needing "mothering". That's something none of the family really "gets". The grandchildren were treated by her the way I should have been treated so they see her differently than I do.
I've worked through most of my anger, but have to choose to do so again every single time she points out my mistakes or failures.