So Sad and Frustrated with Dad

Dad is 88, still living on his own and driving. He retired years ago from a very important position with a very huge corporation, and is financially secure.

Mom has been gone almost 10 years. He won't let me clean, ( mom was meticulous!). He is frustrated by his "piles" of papers to share with others, his piles of junk mail(which he feels an obligation to read), his piles of clothes (which he has in the bedroom and gets upset if they are put away).

He is embarrassed to have me come over...and I feel he is choosing his piles over me. He is faced with the sad reality that he has outlived his friends, and those who are left have little independence. But he doesn't want to go places with me, because he feels he is a burden. He has given and given to others his whole life, but will not allow us to give back. He doesn't want to disrupt my life.

I am retired...and retired early so I could spend more time with him... I do live 100 miles away, so he thinks my coming to spend time is a burden.

This is so sad because he has become negative about just about everything in our world. He probably has quite a few good years left, because he enjoys pretty good physical health. I thought perhaps a doctor could discuss dealing with depression with him...he is experiencing loss of his world every day...but my brothers feel strongly against this. They say this is just what aging is! I can't deal with stress with them, I am just backing off that idea.

Do aging parents ever have a reversal of this negativity? Or have I said goodbye to my dad?

Comments for So Sad and Frustrated with Dad

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Dear Frustrated
by: Anonymous

Oh, that is so sad about your feelings of losing your dad. Too bad you don't live close enough to slip some kind of herbal remedy for depression into his tea or something!

If you do not already have power of attorney over your dad's health care I strongly suggest you get it; then you would be able to discuss your father's health with his doctor and the doctor could bring up the depression subject without it seeming to come from you.

Why do some people (I've noticed a lot of men especially) refuse to discuss or try medicine to help with depression? Your dad may have anxiety and not depression, that's why we have doctors to help us help our parents. I wish your brothers were on board with this.

Will be thinking of you, let us know how it turns out.
mary in santa rosa ca usa

You are Right.
by: Anonymous

Depression is a common problem among the elderly and because so many think that it's simply because they are old, they often don't get the treatment and help they need.

Being old does not mean naturally being sad or miserable. Being old does not naturally mean being in physical pain either. Old people get sick too. Old people can be helped too. Happiness and feeling good isn't just for the young.

Integrity vs. Despair
by: Anonymous

Don't mean to get technical, but it's just my training! If you are familiar with Erikson's psychosocial life stages, the elderly are the "Integrity vs. Despair" where they are reflecting on the lives they lived and experiencing any regrets they may have.

Typically those, such as your Dad, who have had successful lives in terms of productivity, family, etc. have peace during this stage. It is quite possible your Dad is depressed. Don't listen to your siblings--encourage your Dad to discuss the situation with his physician.

It could be that a short-term anti-depressant or other intervention suggested by his physician is indicated. There is no need for him to suffer when help is available. Good luck!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Need help with negative complaining mother

    Dec 28, 20 12:23 PM

    My mother is 93, in good health, no major heath issues, totally ambulatory. When my father died 6 years ago we found her a beautiful independent senior

    Read More

  2. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  3. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More