So Many Caregivers, So Little Help For Them

I worked 30 straight days last month in order to get away from the house for 5 days. I finished the last job and had mom set-up with everything she needed, got in the car and drove 300 miles to spend time with a friend in the mountains.

The most glorious thing in the whole vacation was waking up and having NOTHING to do! Nothing! No list, no appointments, phone calls, shopping, errands, banking, post office, etc. It was the most amazing feeling. We get so used to the hectic pace, that we don't even realize it.

As soon as I got home, I hit the ground running. I was already behind. After driving home, I unpacked, did laundry, went grocery shopping, went to the drugstore, got the dog out, and started my job!

That was two days ago, and I haven't stopped. I'm right back on that treadmill. That damn list is completely filled to the bottom line.

The saddest thing is, I came back to my Boomers website, and I see so many more new entries pleading for help and no one has answered them.

They literally ask for help at the end of their entry. And all the entries are so uniquely different. There is no pat answer for any of them. I want to answer them, but their situation is so different from mine, I really can't stand in their shoes.

Just saying, We are out here and we hear you! is not enough for them. They are truly trapped and suffering.

I'm trapped in my own situation and I just go from day-to-day. I find that my mom's decline makes each day a little different and I have to come up with new tactics.

It's so tiring and takes so much energy. Now we have moved into communication difficulties. I will say something and she doesn't understand what I said. I have to say it three times, each in a different way, and by the time I do all that I don't even care about the conversation anymore. It's exasperating. And then she gets angry because I'm frustrated and on it goes.

I wish I had some great advice for all of us. Myself, I pray to God for guidance and patience, I make sure I put my oxygen mask on first, and I take one day at a time.

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Glad for you!
by: Anonymous

I am so glad for you. I am in the process of getting my siblings involved. As of last night I told them I was done.

And if they wanted to have someone care for mom they better get together and work it out amongst them because I was out for now. This is after waiting 5 months for one sibling to come through and talk to our Mom about coming to live with her.

Of course she went back home and has done nothing as far as I know to talk with our Mom or get her home ready for her to come stay. I am to the point I want no contact with my Mom.

I love her but she has pushed me to the limit. I am also glad you wrote in. It gives me hope for my future.

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Don't Give in Don't Give Up
by: Anonymous

I feel for you in trying to cope with your issues with you mother. I know what you're going through because that's what I used to go through when I was the only one taking care of mother.

After much complaining and pleas for help, my siblings got involved, I don't have a relationship with them anymore, but I have a life now and have the support and love I need through old friends and many new friends I have acquired when I stepped back.

I hope you will find the way and means to get yourself frequent respite care. Do not give in to any family member's refusal of taking any responsibility in helping out for whatever reason it may be.

I have been criticized by some of my family members for being a trouble maker and a drama queen, and they're sick and tired of me having gone around saying "woe is me" in other words being a crybaby.

If you don't speak up! you're not going to be heard! Don't give up and don't give in to manipulation. God Bless You!

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