by Sandra
(Surprise, AZ)

I have given up my life for the past 4 years to deal with my mother and her dementia, finding nursing homes, staying at the nursing home so she'd eat, on and on. I had a small store that was barely making it and my 86 year old father was now living with me. Neither one of them had long term care insurance, so I was footing a lot of the bills, and all of the responsibility.

I have two brothers, one works for the state of CA and makes over $100K year, and my other brother is a police officer and makes about the same, if not more. No help was ever offered in any way. Not money, not searching for nursing homes we could afford, not visiting, not even bothering to come to say good bye when they both had plenty of notice she was dying.

BUT-the day after the cremation and all of that was taken care of financially, they wanted to know where their share of the inheritance was.

Needless to say-there was none-it had used up all of my savings to take care of my mom, and now I have lost my business, I am in foreclosure on my home, and I have to figure out a way to find a home I can afford that is safe for my 86 year old father who does nothing but treat me like crap-I know it's the dementia, but I am about at that breaking point. I can't even get him to pack the junk in his room.

Why can't I have a life-I deserve one-I have worked hard all my life and in a few years lost everything I had worked so hard for because my parents didn't have insurance. I'm 62 and I think I should get a do-over. My life has not been a good one.
And I had terrible siblings.

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Slave of Good Works.
by: Renata

by the way... I forgot to mention that similar to you, my father has passed but today I still care for my mother. My brothers presented themselves on my dad's passing for their share of the inheritance. (Laughing)... there was nothing left but the house my mother and I lived in, and they wanted their share.

Well my Father made sure the house was not in his name anymore - it was mine alone. And I did not care about that then but boy am I thankful that He was thinking of me. I could honestly say I did not do this without the supernatural grace of God. Today I could laugh!

Take courage.

Dear Slave of Good Works.
by: Renata

May I say, you have done well. It may not feel that way right now, but I truly admire you. Know this, you did not work for man but for God.

Caring for your mother and father as you have done and continue to do is worthy of it's reward and I know that God Himself will reward you! Your siblings will watch you rise and wonder how and why, after-all you're the one whose life is worthless in their eyes right? My dear sister, never, ever again... DO NOT despise yourself or what you are doing by caring for your parents for this is rich toward God (in His eyes).

Look to Jesus who is your mighty deliverer and kinsman redeemer. Call on Him even now, to provide for all of your needs. Our greatest asset in life is 'our time' and you have invested your life well. Forgive your siblings, because they don't get it. I'm sure you never planned on being where you are right now - penny-less and destitute. But cry out to Jesus who is near to you, for He said Blessed are you, Blessed are you, Blessed are YOU! (Matthew Ch.5)

Trust Jesus to lead your steps and fear not! Trust Him. He will keep His promises to you, he'll never fail you.

I cared for both my parents with no help from my siblings. I gave up my job and career as an Accountant. I was spurned by my siblings who looked down on me because my life did not look 'polished'- like when I was a Professional. I started to believe them too! But ten years later I can say that I am sure that I am the one who has benefited most - first within and now it shows without.

I now live comfortably with God's faithfulness and have a life better than most. I am industrious and have a caring heart. I have more than when I worked for myself in the corporate world. God has elevated me and gives me the freedom to tell others of His faithfulness - I answer to no one but God. This was not the case before. This is better. Now God & I know that He can trust me to do the right thing for the right reasons.

No do-overs.
by: Anonymous

So do it now. Slavery is illegal. If you are at your breaking point now, where will you be in 2 years, or 5 years? You don't say if you own your own home or are living in your parents. Either way, you must do something so you can preserve the remaining years YOU have.

Sell the house, put dad in care, get a small apartment and use the rest of the money to build a life for yourself. You've done more than your share. Oh, make sure you have power of attorney. Good luck going forward.

Some Help
by: Sandi

I am in Phoenix, and Hospice of the Valley was a huge help, but they won't step in until the patient is in their last 6 months of life. But they are wonderful, and can help as far as getting other help-psychiatric drugs helped my mother to calm her and even though she was drugged, she was clearer on everything. Hope you can get some help-thank goodness you have siblings.

I Feel You
by: Anonymous

I am trying to take care of my father in a nursing home the same way, he won't eat, won't stay in his bed or wheel chair, falls chronically and the Nursing Home threatens he may be thrown out because he is too much for them to handle.

My whole days are spent trying to find ways to keep him from acting out and or sobbing for hours. My mother is still alive but has basically washed her hands of him and figures this is her time for her do-over. It hurts my father badly and causes him to behave even worse.

My siblings help but it is exhausting because the only person who really makes him happy(is his wife) and she couldn't care less about him now that he is in the Nursing Home and she is also very resentful for the money she has to spend to keep him there. My fathers' dementia and decline is killing the whole rest of the family.

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