Sister feels she Shouldn't have to Make Sacrifices (like I do)
15 years ago I gave up my life in another state to move to be closer to my aging parents and my sister. I have no other siblings. A few years after that, my sister moved to another state (she is single, no kids). Then a few years ago, my father passed away, leaving my mother, who is capable of taking care of herself, but she is emotionally devastated, sad, and lonely.
I have been available to help her whenever she calls. I have to plan my life around her needs. I don't resent her at all. I feel so bad to see her this way and know how much she needs love from me. I'm okay with that, but it's a LOT of work. My husband and I have had to drop plans at the last second because she needed me.
My problem stems around my sister, who has not visited my mom for several years, although they talk on the phone. My sister is aware of my situation, that I have to be available any time of day or night and that it has gotten in the way of my husband and my plans. We have had some marriage problems that we both want to fix, but my role as caregiver gets in the way often.
My sister says she doesn't see why she should give up her life in the other state to help out. She has no husband or boyfriend and no kids. She doesn't socialize, either. So I don't really see the big deal about moving when she doesn't do anything but work and watch TV.
absolutely unwilling to make a sacrifice and refuses to see that I make sacrifices every day. The worst thing about it is she has Borderline Personality Disorder, so I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her because when she blows up it's monstrous.
My sister tells me that if she does decide to move up here, then I had better be constantly aware of the huge sacrifice she made. (She has referred to herself as a martyr in the past.) This means that if she comes here, she will occasionally blow up at me and yell, "I GAVE UP MY LIFE FOR THIS!!!!!" She's very, very scary sometimes.
So here I am, caring for my mom, making constant sacrifices for my mom, but never getting angry about it because I know how emotionally fragile she is and it makes me feel so hurt very deeply to see her this way. So I make sure she knows I'm always there for her and she's not alone in the world.
I just don't know how to deal with my sister. We get along as long as I'm super careful with her. I constantly have to bite my tongue when we talk so I don't say anything to ignite her. It's inevitable that we will lose my mom someday and I don't want there to be any difficulties or fighting when it comes to the will.
I want to keep things running smoothly. But I have this resentment built up so strong I don't know what to do. I'm clinically depressed and have anxiety and panic attacks every now and then. How do I deal with this?