Single Mom and 80 Year Old Dad

by Chica

I have been searching the internet to come across experiences like mine. And here I am. It is sooo difficult to take care of an aging parent and here I am a single mom of 2 boys a toddler and a teenager with their own issues where I am always feeling to pull my hair out.

My mom died 3 years ago and left me in charge of the home with my aging dad by default. my other siblings don't really contribute and I have felt such rage anger depression, I have to hide in the bathroom to cry and even then there isn't much privacy living with all these men who just see me as one big maid to supply their needs.

I can't even enjoy my own self in my own life. I work full time as a single mom . I live day to day as I don't have reliable caregivers for the toddler and my dad with his onset of old age dementia has given me a near nervous breakdown with his constant or pretend, forgetfulness or pretending to forget.

I don't know anymore.

The insanity of his questions, nagging self centeredness only on his needs is driving me crazy. I just feel so alone helpless and like many others here I feel I have no redress as an almost 50 year old woman living in a parents house who gives me no privacy and space. I just feel resentful about everything :(

He, my dad wants me to answer all his needs as if I am his wife and treats me with disrespect. How can my boys learn to respect women if my own dad treats me like this???

However, I used to be the apple of my fathers eye as the only girl but upon my moms death he is totally against me now and only wants me around to care for my jobless 44 year old brother. why don't these people see that I have my own life and my mission is to care for my 2 children and not 2 grown men ???

I can't seem to see beyond the perspective like yes 1 day he wont be here anymore and I will regret but right now it is too painful to even think of that day...... Please help

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Burned out
by: Anonymous

Anyone else have a parent that undoubtedly feels its your responsibility to do it all. He wants to do what he wants to do and nothing more.

Yet he can go out for breakfast, go grocery shopping. Go to the bank, CVS, get a hair cut, run his truck thru a car wash, run to Walmart, all by himself, but doesn’t seem to be able to go to the doctor alone, when the doctors suggest therapy, because once he come home from breakfast or whatever. He does literally nothing the rest of the day.

He will go to bed several times throughout the day and sit and watch TV the rest and then complain he can’t sleep at night. He makes comments to me and thinks I’m gonna take it but when I do comment he says, I just don’t want us to argue, then don’t make defensive comments to me.

Then it’s here we go again when I say something back. I am his child not his wife, I provide him with a place to live. He asks my brother to do nothing and even acts like my brother is in bad shape to keep from asking him to do anything.

My brother absolute does nothing except bring him a sandwich on Saturdays. He feels he has done his part. Sorry for the rant.

still sad
by: Anonymous

Yes Anon, it is very draining and as you can imagine, unbearable. I don't even like to be around him for too long. The relationship has been ruined and I am trying my best to hold it all together. work is my solace just to get away from home.

I have vowed never to live with men again after this experience. Needy creatures just draining the poor woman. My mom wasn't easy either but I thought my dad would have always been there for me.

In his old age I see a clear distinction in how he treats me and my jobless brother. Also makes me feel that is also a gender bias in how he treats me which makes me feel very resentful. It hasn't gotten easier.

And I appreciate that somewhere out there at least on this forum there are ladies trying to take care of their old parents the best they can. at this point it is just one day at a time for me .... :(

too much
by: Anonymous

Oh my gosh girl, you have way too much on your plate. I can't imagine throwing in an old forgetful person with a two year and a teenager to handle. No wonder you are burned out completely.

You dad's pretend forgetfulness likely is not pretend at all. It may seem like it, but there is much going on the brain causing destruction we can't see that interrupts their thoughts. I saw my mom's MRI and her brain looked like Swiss cheese and each hole represents a disconnect not working anymore.

You can tell him don't treat me like this, but it's not going to matter, he won't remember from one minute to the next.

I've given up a year of my life now and all I can say to myself is I wouldn't be this stupid again if I could do it over. I don't know now that I could throw my mom out even if the county would pick up the tab. I should have checked into that first. You could do that, but if you're living in his house and that house is in his name, then you would jeopardize your living situation. If that's the case then you are truly stuck and I am truly sorry for you.

It is what it is has become my motto that gets me through each day. The anger and rage I feel does effect me. My blood pressure is high now and I've gained ten pounds just eating to comfort myself. It takes a toll.

I have to be around my mom for fear of her starting a fire, etc. If you don't feel comfortable leaving for work each day, there is another added stress for you.

You said you may feel bad one day for how you feel now. I won't and I already know that.

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