Single daughter / "spinster"

I had been living in another state for more than two decades when my father had bypass surgery, and my brother called demanding that he did not have time to take care of dad, since I was out of work, I needed to come home and help him. Four years ago I walked away from all my relationships and moved home with a father I dearly love, but who is different from me in so many ways.


Being single, I was used to my freedom - eat or wait, leave the house at any time, night or day. I had a great social life and worked in ministry (my dad doesn't like "God-stuff.")

I lost all my friendships, and am not available to make new ones. I sit in the living room all day because dad get worried, and watch his TV shows.

My brother, who is a single father of a teenager and lives nearby, working only weekends, promised he would take dad out every couple of weeks. He doesn't.

Instead, he recently called to scream at me on the phone that I wasn't working hard enough to clear up dad's 80 year old constipation. He has also expressed anger that it took me a month to clear out my relationships and move across the country.

Recently, dad had a heart attack and is wheelchair bound in rehab. We have been told that we should look for assisted living, as dad will need someone with him 24/7 when he returns.

My brother is thinking that he will move back home, and I will stay with him - that way, the "inheritance" doesn't get used. (My brother is the "money guy" in this picture.) He said he will come over sometimes so I can get out.

I feel so guilty; and he is not afraid to use that guilt against me. I could care less about the money - I don't want to wait any longer to start getting my life going.

I feel as though my brother sees me as nothing more than a resource for his financial planning.
I do not have a place of my own. Leaving the situation now would mean I would have to find one.

Am I being unreasonable to say I cannot take on this burden? Is it being unloving toward my father? What can I tell my brother?

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