SIck and Tired of Being The Parent Instead of The Child

by Depressed
(USA)

My mom is now completely bed ridden and invalid and it's getting harder to deal with by the day.I am sick and tired of her bothering me every five ****ing minutes about something. She has always had health problems my whole life which is why I am so fed up with this. She didn't get much worse until about ten years ago. She has a muscle disease similar to MS where the muscles deteriorate over time.

She is now in the diaper stage and often acts like she is 3 years old. It really is true that parents as they get older resort back to acting like a child. I'm just extremely frustrated, angry, and resentful because I never get a break from it.

It has always been ME worrying about my parents and taking care of them. It would be nice if someone cared about me and wanted to take care of me for once.

My mother needs to be in a nursing home but she refuses and I know if I got her in one, she would probably give up completely.

I hate to say this as I love my mom but frankly she is nothing but a burden to me at this point and I long for the day that I don't have to put up with this **** anymore.

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Enough is enough
by: Anonymous

Bitter,
Heck yeah!!! I have been caring for Mom with dementia and Lyphedema for 5 years now. Little by little, my life was taken away from me until I was tethered to the house because she was not safe on her own while I was working.

I have had no help from siblings ( brothers ) who can only criticize and accuse me of things I have never done. This has put a huge strain on my marriage, my finances, my sanity, my physical health and I cannot obviously afford health insurance so I have been praying to God nothing bad happens to me.

She has fallen so many times and never tells me when something is wrong, I have to find her AFTER the damage has been done, when she goes down, it happens in seconds usually because of her own self neglect, not staying properly hydrated or her lymphatic leg gets an infection and she does not tell me she is feeling "off."

I can’t take it anymore. She just fell and spent 3 days in the hospital, she had no memory of it at all. I have decided it is time for her to go to a facility where she can be watched because this is killing me.

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Same here
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel. My dad is 91 and while he's not bedridden, he hardly gets up now.

However, he will ask me the same things over and over again, and he cannot tell morning from night anymore, so he will get up at 2 in the morning to ask me if I am there (shouting) or he will spend the afternoon in bed asking what day it is, repeating the same questions several times. He's very weak, and although he can sometimes get up, it's hard, because he doesn't want to shower or have his hair cut (it's been months), so the odor is unpleasant.

He will reply with blatant lies ("I just had a shower last night") or what seems to be his own idea of things. I also feel resentful, as my two brothers won't help me out with him.

I'm the only one at home with my dad and I dread the moment I get there after work, as I cannot unwind and relax. I feel guilty all the same because sometimes I wish he were not around anymore; I've talked to my husband and he understandably asks me not to think like that, but

I do and it makes me feel like a horrible person.

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Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you both for your sympathy. I def. feel for anyone going through a similar situation. It's a terrible spot to be put in.

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I am there
by: Shari

You have my support. I take care of my Dad. I fell and crushed my knee. No one would help me get him to appointments or grocery store.. I some how carried on.

I am so tired of hearing.. I hate you and the next..I need you. Dad throws his depends and eats after the dog. I am currently seeking help for his long time care. He runs everyone off.

He cusses and is just mean. But.. He was a sweet n good man... It's a lonely road we are on.. I am looking for the strength to break my promise to my Mother.. I can't continue.

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I Understand
by: Anonymous

Wow. I've gotta hand it to you, because when my mother reaches the bedridden stage, that's where I draw the line! There's no way in hell I'm gonna even try to do what you're doing, because I've already given up 4 years of my life and home to suit her needs.

I'm exhausted and wonder every morning how much longer this can possibly go on. When she moved in my siblings and I went to great lengths to make her comfortable here - moved in a bunch of her furniture, pictures and nick knacks and put all my favorite things in storage. BIG MISTAKE!

Now I feel like I don't even have a home any more, not to mention life because everything I do is based on her needs first. I can't even go visit my grand kids and great grand kids any more without going thru hoops to coordinate one of my siblings covering for me with our mother. I've reached the point where I just don't try any more.

Am I bitter? Damned right, and I won't apologize for feeling that way any more.

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