Siblings no Help and Mother is a Narcissist

by Deborah
(Rockwall, Texas)

Being the oldest and the fact that two of my sisters are addicts and a brother with no common sense the burden falls on me. It never even occurs to them that they should do something so I am stuck with my narcissist mother.

She always puts the quilt trip on me even when I am being honest and direct...she gets defensive and turns everything around. And then, of course, everything is my fault. She never takes responsibility for anything she does.

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Too Close for Comfort
by: Tina

Wow, what a coincidence your mother is as close in proximity as mine. Amazing to hear of how strange parents can be. I used to work in a nursing home to pay my way through college, nursing degree. I wondered why several of the elderly had few visitors, their children, that is. Now I know why.

All I want is peace and quiet in my life. I raised my children without my mother around, I lived in another state then. I worked hard and had many ups and downs being a divorced mom with a dead beat dad/husband.

Amazing that I survived over the years. I had/have health issues now and it is very hard for me to manage my home. After major surgery I lost my job because of going over the 3 months of FMLA. Nearly lost my house but managed to sell it for what I owed, but lost over $40,000 that I put into it. Then my former employer tried to cut my unemployment, went to court and won the battle, found another job and got myself back into a tolerable financial position.

I have to hire people to do things I once did myself without a thought. That takes a lot of money I could be putting into savings.
But here I am caring for my mother and my brothers do what I call an "annual drive by visit." I wish it was a bad dream I could wake up from.

Get Help for Yourself!
by: Anonymous

This is terrible! It is very daunting to read/hear the accounts posted above. I am so sorry that these parents have made themselves soo burdensome to you -and anyone else I'm sure.

I have a small reccommendation as follows:

1. Go to a therapist for your own well being.

2. Don't deal with such persons by yourself.

Your mind a a precious thing! And such difficult persons don't care about how they make you feel. You need to learn some techniques on how to protect yourself (your mind). I'm not supprised that some of the offspring of these personality types become self destructive. I would just say to each of you, "YOU ARE NOT LIKE THEM! Thank God."

So now you need to focus on being the best 'you'. Don't give them the last word, e.g. You get yourself a nice worship CD or music and every night make sure to listen to it and get your power back. Words have power. And be bold enough to tell these parents that "because they don't trust in God, but in themselves alone - by the how they work to manipulate others to get by in life, and because you realize that what they want, is more important to them than God himself. Therefore, don't expect from you what they can only get form God."

by: Anonymous

I certainly understand. My mother lives 3/4 mile from me. I too try to stay away as much as possible and at this point she still is able to drive to the store and drugstore. My husband tries to keep her car going.

She was married 5 times and my dad, also was narcissist, was married 5 times. They were so into themselves that we were constantly compared to them and belittled. I have a drug addict sister and an alcoholic sister and I have started drinking too much also.

Mother, Controlling to the End of Time
by: Francis

I have the same kind of mother. She was never loving when I was growing up. I am the only sibling of 4 in the same state so I am stuck with her. I keep my distance.

Everyday I come home from work I dread the answering machine and have to end my day hearing her voice. She is never happy or satisfied and if there is a few instants then it doesn't last long.

I am Polish and my parents are survivors of the World War II Nazi encampment. My dad died in 2004. He and I were close and my mother resented that. She never got over her post traumatic distress disorder. Okay, I understand that but I am not her scape goat since no one else wants to be around her. She has alienated everyone around her.

She lives in a seniors apartment about 3/4 a mile away from me. She thinks that I should always be available to take care of her. I don't like her personality, but I won't leave her without care since my brothers don't want to take care of her.

When I email my brothers about the stress I have from her I get no response. They could care less as they don't have to deal with it. I can understand that too, but she is their mother too. If I put her in a nursing home I know she will cause so much chaos they will refuse to keep her.

I am sick and tired of every weekend that I have to check on her to see she has food. I am to the point that I rather stay at work then come home because then the phone will have another message with her lamenting. She is ruining my life and she doesn't care.

She cries to the apartment neighbors that she doesn't have anyone. I don't want to visit her, I stay for as little time as possible. She is like a leech or virus that just wants to feed off you until she has drained you out.

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