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Siblings Attacking Me - the Caregiver

by Kristine
(Provo, UT)

My husband and I have lived with my parents for almost 12 years. My father has Dementia/Alzheimer's in addition to various other health problems. My 76-year old mother also has health problems.

My husband, who has some health-care experience quit his job so that he could stay home and take care of my parents. I have a full-time job and a 10 year old son. We have only one son mostly because we are responsible for taking care of my parents. My parents and us (husband, son and I) get along great and live very peacefully and are content with our living arrangement.

The problem lies with my 8 siblings - all of which live close by. Some visit once a week - others don't visit at all. I encourage and thank them for coming and visiting their parents. I never interfere when they do come to the house.

In fact, my husband and I make it a point to allow my siblings some time alone with our parents. We've never tried to discourage or prevent my siblings from being a part of their parents' lives. In fact, I've gone out of my way to try and include them in the caregiving.

The problem is that they all are quick to criticize, complain and accuse my husband and I of taking advantage of my parents or other wrong doing. Their accusations, rumors, worries are absolutely ridiculous and false.

My husband and I have spend thousands of dollars on counseling, trying to learn how to deal with the hurt and abuse that we suffer from my siblings.
We believe that my siblings are acting this way because they feel guilty or maybe jealous of my husband and I.

They treat our parents with respect and kindness, but my husband and I are the victims or malicious lies, accusations and verbal abuse. Especially my husband. My siblings have started some very cruel and untrue rumors about him that are untrue and uncalled for.
I would like to know if there is anyone else out there who has experienced anything similar?
What can I do?




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Siblings Attacking Me - the Caregiver

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Me Too
by: Anonymous

I have had the same things happen to me. I was actually turned in for elder abuse. No truth in any of the 18 accusations. It is making my parents miserable in what should be their happy carefree years. I encourage others to come and visit and have even made their house more comfortable for visitors.

I have two sisters that are thankful and an older brother and younger sister that are giving me nothing but grief. I think there is nothing any of us can do to please all the people all the time. I choose to ignore those that are all talk and no do. Karma does exist.

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Siblings from Hell
by: Anonymous

Yes I've experienced this poisonous treatment from my some of my siblings. I'm Power Of Attorney for my mother, after driving myself to exhaustion and breakdown, caring for my mother and attending to her needs, working full time and trying to maintain my family, my youngest brother accused me of stealing $80,000 because I bought a new home in the midst of this.

My new home is mortgaged to the max, and my old home was the down payment. I was furious. I no longer speak to my youngest brother, and never will again, not because I'm angry I just have nothing to say. I had my 2nd youngest brother appointed Power Of Attorney and washed my hands of the whole bunch.

I always promised my mother I'd watch over her and her affairs, but this was far too much and I had no quality of life and I got tired of fighting and defending myself, and I walked away. Siblings can be the worst, and I'm surprised I walked away, and I'm surprised there's such a breakdown in my family.

Once my mother passes I'll only keep in touch with one brother, the only one that's maintained his sanity.

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Don't let Them Beat You!
by: Anonymous

Although your life must be difficult, you seem to be coping in a positive way and providing a loving environment for your parents, all credit to you! Your siblings may be jealous,angry or just plain nasty, but they are certainly not helping you!

I admire your tenacity and know that you must be paying a price for this but don't allow their negativity to spoil what you have. Who cares what they have to say?

I may be being a little devilish here, but have you considered planning a holiday and allowing your siblings to take over for a few weeks? I'm sure you deserve a break and maybe they could do with a little hands on experience?????

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Not Alone
by: Anonymous

You are not alone. In my experience so far, the ones who help the least "critique" the most!! You are right about the possibility of them feeling guilty (and they might not even know that about themselves). ....it sucks! I feel for you.

It sounds as though your parents are lucky to have both of you and your son.
mary, santa rosa ca

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