Sibling Who Doesn't Help

by Billie
(Chicago)

We only have my Dad left, he is 85 yrs old. He has dementia. I live 15 hours away, yet I am the one that flies down twice a month to see him. I have 4 children I am raising and own a business which requires over 50 hours a week.

I have incurred the financial cost of each visit as well. I get 25 calls a day ( average) from my Dad just asking about little stuff. I handle his household from 15 hours away in every possible way.

I am NOT an only child, although you might think I was. I actually have a living/ breathing sister who lives 4 hours from my Dad. She refuses to help in any way, but only because she is WAY too busy and visiting my Dad is not fun. Plus, she has 10 cats that she refuses to leave for any other reason than work.

I am exhausted from begging, pleading for her to contribute to his care. She does not care and has no problem sleeping at night. I love my Father, his calls, his needs are NOT a burden.

My anguish and despair is over how disrespectful she can be to him and how she does not mind that all this is on my shoulders. My Father was and is still an amazing good Father.

Her reasons are selfish and she does not want her life to change at all, which btw it hasn't. Please tell me I am not alone!

Although, I can't imagine there are other heartless adult children like this.

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different situation but the same
by: Greenacres

My sister has taken over my mom, she lived with me for a couple years and since then sister has cut me out of her life, never once visiting, calling me every name in the book.

When mom got stronger we moved her back into her own home which is minutes from my sister. I WANT TO HELP. I MISS MY MOM! Sister has blackmailed me by saying if mom comes and spends ANY time at my house, she will call Dept. of Human Services. WHY?

Now I am not comfortable even going to mom's house for fear of negative backlash. I can't take the hate anymore.

I have called sister to figure out what is wrong so many times I feel like a stalker. If She wants my help, I am hoping she can set her pride aside and call me. Mom says sister wants mom's house.

It's like her and her husband have marked their territory! I am an electrician and have always been the one family calls when they need something. This last time I went to put in a line for her pool and sister even got mad at that. My heart is broken.

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Lots like you
by: Bittersweet

Hi Billie, I couldn't tell from your letter if you are a son or daughter. Regardless...I am in a similar situation as an only girl of 4 children and I am the only one who takes care of my mother. Two brothers live in different but close states and one brother lives very near by.

Yet I am the only one who does a thing for our mother. I won't bore you with my story but I will offer you a suggestion; would it be possible to move your dad so he's closer to you?

The expense of moving him would probably even out your twice monthly trips to check in on him. Maybe get him into assisted living so he's being checked on throughout the day and you can visit every night.
Just a thought.
You know you can't rely on anyone else to help you so why not make it easier on yourself?
Best of luck to you.

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