Should I try Making her Remember or Does that Make it Worse?

by Connie
(Wichita, KS USA)

Sometimes my mother seems fine but she can change in a few seconds. My father has been dead for almost 6 years but she forgets. She will try calling his work. I am never sure if saying "mom, he is dead" is the right way to handle that. I feel like I make her mourn over and over for him. I don't want to cause her pain. I carry all that inside me all the time.


I have a part time job out side her house. This truly is my key to survival. I took a third shift job at Walmart. It is continual movement, which is good for my body and mind. It is easier to find someone to care for mom while she is asleep. They just are there in case mom wakes up.

Another trick that gets me by is, every morning, I stop and take time to watch her doing her routine. I see her make coffee. Even though I don't care for a noisy morning, she turns on the TV for the news and reads the newspaper out loud to me. When I start feeling the aggravation build, I take a deep breath or two and just look at how beautiful she is.

I remind myself that there is going to be a day when I wont be able to see that view and I don't want to have any regrets.

Whoever came up with the expression "golden years" was just full of bull. They hurt. They are scared and vulnerable . If we give them anything less than our best, we are failing.

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