Should I bring My Mum Home

by Marjorie
(Perth, Australia)

I am so confused. My 92-year-old mum was an independent woman until 2 months ago when she developed severe back pain and ended up having spinal surgery that did not have the desired outcome. She is now completely immobile and we have had to put her into a residential care facility.

She went in 12 days ago and none of us is entirely happy with the place. I mean, who would be as, for example, she is changed into her nightgown at about 3 to 4 pm which in itself is so humiliating.

The contract we signed has a 14 day cooling off period and I have to make my mind up by tomorrow about whether to leave her there or bring her home to live with me.

I am 60 years old but have health problems of my own and osteoarthritis. I am her only child living in this country and I don't work outside the home. What should I do?

She wants to come and live with me and I love her dearly. We have always been best friends but I don't know if I'm up to the task of sole care of her. If anyone has been in the same position, please help me.

The nursing home she is in is apparently well thought of and is certainly very expensive but it's just not like home.

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Don't Do It
by: Anonymous

Don't do it. I'm sorry if that sounds cold, but don't do it. You are not physically strong enough, nor do you have the skills necessary to provide the level of care she needs. The emotional pain you will ensure is unbelievable.

The biggest problem, however, is your sibling attacking you - you've read the stories here. It's a travesty that family caregivers are not legally protected from our deadbeat siblings.

And that we have no recourse against them for the horrible things they say and do. Family caregivers save our country billions and billions of dollars every year.

Medicaid would be picking up the tab for our loved ones if it weren't for us. Yet the government (APS, Cops, Judges) keep allowing our siblings to falsely accuse us and makes us go through the system. Even though they KNOW the drill.

The MIA sibling(s) attacking the caregiver. And investigations finding no evidence. Until the laws change, DON'T DO IT. We'll see how the government likes it when fewer and fewer of us step up to the plate and Medicaid isn't able to cover the costs.

And what about what it costs taxpayers when APS has to investigate all these false allegations?
If you feel you must, get EVERYTHING in writing. From parent(s) and sibling(s). It's awful. Just don't do it.

big decision
by: Greenacres

What did you decide to do. You sound like you are in no condition to take care of your sweet mom with out getting help to come in your home. Have you ever lived together? It really is hard sometimes, but my mom is a narcissist, so she is always complaining.

I found a way to get a physical therapist to come in, but it's not my turn to take care of mom because my sister is blackmailing me if mom moves back in or spends any time at my home.

Hope you don't have to deal with mean siblings on top of everything else. Just follow your heart. My mom isn't that old yet, but since she left me , all she does is sleep a lot.

maybe you could bring in help at home for mom?
by: Anonymous

If the nursing home mom is trying out isn't ok for the first 14 days it's probably not going to get better unfortunately.
Could you maybe get some people to come in and help with her care (and yours?) several hours a day or several days a week for a few hours at a time? I wouldn't recommend bringing her home without doing that.
Hugs for you wanting to take care of mom.

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