SHE'S NOT MY MOM, BUT WIFE AND I BOTH WANT HER OUT

by Debi
(Cleveland, Ohio)

Sometime in March, 2019 I came home to find my wife's mother moving into our house. We had somewhat of an idea she was unhappy living with her niece and even had her spend a night with us.


But to come home and have her three sons moving her in without a heads up! I said nothing as did my wife and figured it might work out.

Well, six months later and we're tired of her living with us. Her sons have not even asked her to spend a night or weekend with them. We find ourselves having to cook for her and making sure enough food is in the refrigerator in case she gets hungry. She pays us rent, but it is not enough.

A month ago we visited a senior living center which gave us an application for her to fill out. They advised they will help her find affordable housing. She has yet to do so despite asking her if she has filled it out.

We are now at a point of raising her rent. We are tired of cooking everyday for her, making sure she has the food she likes to eat and no longer feel we should be held responsible for her upkeep. We also realize her sons dropped her off simply to avoid the responsibility of having her live with any of them.

My husband , who retired in July 2018, took a seasonal job in April, 2019 but sustained a work related injury in late July, 2019 so he is not working though he does receive social security.

Plain and simple. We have a 5 bedroom house. Don't go half cocked, the house, built in 1928, is situated in a middle income neighborhood so it is not a lavish setting. Three of these bedrooms(one which she now occupies) we can rent via AirBnb at a substantial increase over and above the rent we charge her. We want her out, yet she refuses to accept this fact even though we have advised her of our intentions.

We strongly believe she enjoys us cooking for her, providing her with her own room downstairs where she only has to to do the stairs to take a shower and the peace and quiet of the neighborhood. She is 83. She is taking advantage of us. How can we get rid of her? And we mean this is in a good way.

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Love is sacrificial
by: Anonymous

It's not about the money. Please continue to love and cherish your Mama. The three sons don't get it. Love is sacrificial. It ain't easy. Ask for God's grace and mercy to serve your Mother.

Take her to daily Mass, pray the Rosary with her. Love her till the end. Don't forget self-care. Wake up before Mom, take your coffee on a one hour walk. Commune with God and nature. Now go conquer the world!

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Retirement Should Be Fun
by: Sadie

I really feel for you and I come across this time and time again; seniors moving in with their children without even the decency to hold a discussion about it or even half the time tell them!

That straight away should give you a flavour of their selfish presumption; once they are in it is like trying to remove a limpet off a rock. Let one of the other siblings take over, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

You don't have to justify where you live or how big your home is either, if this is not what you want it's perfectly OK.

You are retired for goodness sake, it's time you enjoyed your life and retirement not throw it all away for an 83 year old who has had her life, it's just ridiculous.

I would do whatever you have to do to move her out and park any guilt you might feel. Drop her off at one of the siblings for dinner then let them know she wont be returning. If they don't like it too bad; they didn't seem to be too troubled when they were moving her into your home unannounced. Good luck!

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I'm sorry about that too!
by: Anonymous

Oh geez, stubborn old people!
What about doing exactly what her sons did to you? Hire movers to get all her stuff and unannounced have them take her and her stuff to one of the sons' houses and leave her there. Then, if she has a key, change your door locks.

I know this sounds cruel and extreme, but it sounds to me like you and your wife are just about at the end of your rope with this. (I know I would be.)

I know that in reality probably won't work, so a sit-down with the sons is in order. If they refuse then perhaps a meeting with an eldercare lawyer to discuss what you can do and then maybe have the lawyer write a letter to the sons informing them that they will start paying their mom's upkeep in an assisted living and move her there.

Just my thoughts. Good luck to you. All this is hard, I know, I'm in that soup too. My mom is 88....

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