She's Not Even My Mother

Four 1/2 years ago I started helping my elderly friend around the house, vacuuming and little things. She slipped and broke her arm a year and a half ago, so I started doing a lot of her grocery shopping too. Eight months ago she got her feet tangled while getting off the floor and fell and broke her hip. I've been in prison since.


I felt bad for her and just wanted to make her happy. But she's a mean, demanding person. She literally has pushed everyone but me, a niece, and a long distance friend away. I've wanted to tell her goodbye so many times, but I know nobody will help her.

The niece is in another state and can't even take care of herself. She says her friend is a drunk and won't go live with her. She doesn't want to leave her house, but I'm an hour away. She had a really sick bird and wouldn't let me take it to a vet. Instead he suffered for several days till he died. I lost so much respect for her.

I actually hated her for a while. But I kept going to take care of the animals (several birds and a German Shepherd). She says she's going to leave me her house (which I never did anything for any return), but she acts like I'm not doing enough or ungrateful or like she owns me because of the house, yet I've never seen anything in writing that she's doing that.

Her stepdaughters have cut her out of their life, but I did run across an old will that everything goes to them. One day she and I got in an argument because I suggested buying "a nice big house on the lake where We could all live," we wouldn't have to worry about taking care of two yards, she wouldn't have to worry about property taxes, etc., and it hurt her feelings because I acted like her house wasn't any good.

I told her she misunderstood, and it
went from there. I called one stepdaughter and told her she needs to help her, that I'm done. She won't because my friend doesn't trust her, tells everyone she's just waiting for her to die so she can get everything.

The next morning I was sick to my stomach about leaving her and all those animals with no help, I texted her that I didn't know if our friendship could be repaired, but I know she needs help, so I would be over the next day.

She acted like nothing happened, said she didn't want to talk about it, and we went back to "normal." I have so many examples of rude, snide remarks, getting short or snippy for buying the wrong brand, spending time with my own mother who is 72, jealous of my friends and I think my husband.

She has no consideration for my time. She just thinks I should be there all the time. I tried to make arrangements to move over there, but I would have to take my animals and she was concerned about that.

It's like she wants me to give up EVERYTHING to take care of her for this dangling carrot of a house. She's only 76. Some of you have parents in their 90s. I'm 52. I don't want to give up the rest of my life for her.

I have my own parents I'll need to help one day.

But I love her dog. And when she whined about not wanting to go to a nursing home, I said I would make sure she didn't. I'd feel terrible about breaking my promise.

I feel so torn, but I'm definitely tired of her snide remarks and gross selfishness. And I can't travel with my husband. Well, that helps getting it out. Still don't know what to do.

I've made a million suggestions. She says no to everything. Not just no, but "NO, NO, NO!" I've known her over 30 years. I've just never had to deal with her in such a large dose.

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She's not even my mother
by: Anonymous

You say you care about the animals so they are what's keeping you going back.

If the lady is so rude to you and you don't really feel you care about her, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you helping her just in case she leaves you her house in her will?

To be honest if this is the reason then you need to understand she may just be saying that to keep you helping her. And even if she does leave the house to you, don't think the blood relatives will just accept it.

No matter how much they have been there for her they are blood relatives and have rights so will probably not go away without a fight!

If you help her because you care in your heart about the lady then keep up the good work, she obviously needs the help.

You could try sitting down and talking nicely to her about how you're really feeling about the way she treats you and hopefully come to some arrangement that suits you both regarding certain hours in the day to visit/help etc. and stick to it! Good luck.

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