She's a Narcissist!

by Deborah
(NJ)

Well, my mom has always been a narcissist, needy, dependent, ungrateful, addicted, hypocrite, ready for this- ultra religious person! Exactly. Practice what you preach. Nope, not my mom. If you dare try to communicate with her to better your relationship, she goes berserk!


She was always very dependent on my dad, but 4 years ago he died so she became completely needy and dependent on us children. There are 3 within an hour from her and one out of state.

She fell twice in the past 6 months breaking ribs, hips, and organs- now she continues to fall often and cannot take care of herself anymore.

What's worse is she has dementia. I have always gone to counseling over her none of us have patience for her rude behavior, but I cannot tolerate her lately. I also suffer from major depression.

So I told my sister who is power of attorney- that I quit. Mom just won't listen to me when its my day to care for her. I can't get her to get ready and be on time for doctor appointments, so what is the POINT!

Let's just get a live in and end this horrible never ending marathon! It's like there is no appreciation, or accomplishment except that we make her meals and she gets fed. She criticizes everyone. Yells at everyone She's usually unpleasant. And then wonders why none of her few friends left want to visit her!

So my question is, is it wrong that I quit and can tend to my children and husband better? I usually have to vent on them for hours every time I go there, drink for the next few days, take Xanax to go to sleep. Then the week goes on- but the 2 days leading up to my day to go up again- the anxiety starts!

I'm guessing it's not healthy for me. And that we need to get a live in so we can visit her without resentment!

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BEEN THERE
by: Anonymous

My aunt sounds a lot like your mom - except the religious part. Anyway, I tried flashcards to review when she's bitching me out. Also earplugs, headphones.

Sometimes these things help but I know the deep sadness and feeling of being "poisoned" that can put you into depression for a long time. I'm sorry - I hear you.

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Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing :) I'm really am enjoying this forum and wish I joined earlier! I need to hear advice from others.

The unfortunate part of my situation and why I named it she's a narcissist- is because she actually is.. Or shall I say "was" . She was always self-centered. My relationship with her was never great.

She was not the kind of mother that ever helped me a lot when I had children. She doesn't even have great relationships with any of her 10 grandchildren. She's a taker not a giver.

My whole life she fought with my dad. All 4 of us siblings have the same feelings toward her; so it's not just me.

That is why I find it so hard to give "back" to her. I am so far behind in my maturity because she taught me nothing. I've had to look to other women to be good examples and mentors.

It's sad. I want to have patience but something happens with every interaction. :( Maybe I will learn a lot from other people's stories. Thank you again for your advice.

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She's a Narcissist-not exactly....
by: Anonymous

Hi- I understand your resentment- Number One. Please, please, please do not berate yourself for feeling this way. Number 2: your mother has Dementia, she is not in her RIGHT MIND. Everything she does, you will have to excuse, even though it may cause "resentment" and anger in you.

It is the Dementia and feeble mindedness that is controlling her at this point. I totally understand, I live with my two parents who are both 87 yrs old. My father has Parkinson's with dementia, and the dementia is getting progressively worse.

I have been resentful and angry since I moved in with them over a year ago. Working part-time at a grocery store is not my idea of being productive, although I am thankful for it- seeing my father in a debilitative state is not fun either, and my mother who still tries to do everything for him, when she can hardly walk herself is frustrating too.

I become more compassionate when I look at old pics of my father, and remember how he was...and my resentment leaves me momentarily when I am near him, and just hug him and think about the person I knew before all of this and Thank God that he is still around, even in this state.

He is my parent, my father. Then I think about the Commandment, "Honor thy Father and Mother" and all I can do is do my best, even with frustration and having to hold my tongue sometimes.

Please allow yourself to feel the way you do, it's okay and natural to feel resentment and anger in this situation. It is NATURAL. You are doing the best you can, and that is what your mother would expect of you.

You've never had to deal with this before, and it can be frustrating, but it can be a growth experience too. You don't owe them (or your mother anything) you owe it to yourself to help her as much as you physically and emotionally can. Give yourself a break. Please.

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NOT AT ALL...
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. My Mother used to be the same way. If you and your family can afford a live-in, by all means, get one. Just because she is your Mother, doesn't mean you have to take her abuse. Self preservation is #1. You must take care of yourself and your family.

Since my Mother got dementia, she has mellowed out 110% and now I have custody of her. It is only me...no help. I wish I could afford a private duty person.

Don't use the word 'guilt' when dealing with your Mother. As long as you don't neglect or abuse her and you provide her basic needs....step back.

Pray for God to give you some peace. Don't let anyone take your joy (even your Mom). Get some help for your depression (I take Zoloft) and it does help.

Good luck with your situation. Take care, be well, be blessed...Michele

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