Selfish, Self Centered Son with Girlfriend and Baby
My son continually makes bad relationship decisions but we do our best NOT to criticize and always show support and help him financially.
I can't say he was ever an easy person, but I had hoped as he got older some things would have changed. He's now 33, and with a woman who he's had a child with. She was a past high school crush and friend but we'd never met her until a little over a year ago when he finally told us she was pregnant.
There are so many things NOT right with this girl, but they've made a beautiful baby and are loving parents and I'm grateful for this, but their relationship is full of stress and their constantly having problems.
I believe she may be Borderline Personality (disorder) and my son had been diagnosed when he was young; a therapist said he had Intermittent Explosive Personality Disorder, which between the two of them they both end up fighting all the time and I'm very concerned for my grandchild's future.
Financially, we've been helping to support them ever since he had a job loss and when we were told she was 5 months pregnant. It has been increasingly hard on us, our finances, but most of all the emotional toll we feel as a result of their selfish attitudes and often irrational behavior.
My son and at times his gf often confide in us about their relationship woes and its taxing as they never listen to reason and then of course we are darned if we do and don't.
We've decided we can't do this anymore. WE get penalized for being loving and supportive especially when they distort everything we say. Financially, we will begin weaning them off of our support, but the hardest of all is how we are made to feel with regard to our grand baby. His girlfriend can run hot and cold but mostly cold and then we are non entities.
My sadness is at the hurt I
feel trying to be relational and helpful to her only later to have it misconstrued by her or both of them.
Her mother and family are in the picture and I'm glad for this because at least my grandchild will have loving relatives, but am also having anxiety over what all of this will eventually do to this child who has a good and happy nature now but later, what will it do.
Her mother appears to also have some of the same qualities I see in the daughter ...manipulative and controlling.
How all of this will effect our relationship with our grand as especially the GF controls our time with her when we visit. We live out of state and have flown in 3 times in under a year to spend time with them and this precious child but truthfully, at the end of the day, the only one worth anything, is this baby.
Yes, I know I'm awful to say it and it's because I'm mad and hurting right now, and I do love my son, but this all just hurts so much and the stress we've been under due to it is stunning.
To those people who come here and say "you must have done something wrong, or they are now living their lives, back off"...sure, there's NOT one perfect parent on this earth. But whom of us have had perfect lives and our own parents weren't perfect specimens either.
As a ACOA, I know all about dysfunction and loss. Still, I was able to have some feelings, empathy and courtesy for my parents even though at times I couldn't be around them.
Honestly, I think this is a flaw on a modern society, that these adult children aren't just a little spoiled, but they are narcissistic, distorted, prideful with weak ego strengths and false sense of entitlement, where the more loving and giving and supportive we are of them, the more they hate us for it. Because deep down inside they hate themselves...