I grew up in a dysfunctional home with alcoholism and abuse and eventually, as an adult, pulled away from the toxicity. It was consistent! I married and became the Mother of twin daughters and did everything in my power to raise them in a stable, loving home!
I was not perfect, made mistakes, but always took responsibility for them.
After recently losing my husband of 41 years, my daughters set boundaries on me. That was fine because I never wanted to be a burden to them and respected the fact they had a life of their own!!!! I knew my place! They were extremely helpful after my husband passed in setting up my finances and helping me sell my house and move, but when it came to the holidays, especially Christmas, they abandoned me totally.
I have no other family but them, and abandoning me at Christmas was hard to take! I didn't even put up a tree and was a sad time! When I did see them, they would rub it in how they put up their tree, learned to cook new dishes for the day. They are not married and share an apartment together.
When it was time for my yearly eye exam, I asked them if one of them would drive me since I was having my eyes dilated and would be difficult for me to drive home. I mentioned I would make the appointment around their schedule. They both refused saying what I was asking them was not reasonable.
I was in shock but they were adamant, even mentioning all the times I drove them did not budge their hearts! So, as difficult as it was, I drove myself.
At that visit I learned I needed cataract surgery and will need
a ride for surgery and post operation. I assumed they would deny me, but to my surprise they told me they wanted to be there for me. I also offered to pay for gas for their cars.
I thought maybe, hopefully they valued me more, but now find out they are looking at this as a sacrifice on their part. When I mentioned future eye exams where I will have my eyes dilated, which should be yearly, but there could be one after the surgery and post operation is over, then I am on my own as far as they are concerned. So, it is a pick and chose with them.
They left the nest late in life (in their thirties) and I assume a lot of this attitude has to do with spreading their wings for the first time. I understand the inconvenience of the cataract surgery for it is even an inconvenience for me as well, but I never thought I would be this kind of a burden to them! Their behavior is like they are tolerating me!
Also, if I have a question I email them and I am lucky if I get an answer. I really don't know what I am to them but I don't believe for a second they love me! It is not like I am calling them everyday or emailing them for I most certainly give them their space, and always have!
Now I am to the point where I am thinking of changing my will and leaving what I have to charity. I am not sure I even want them in my life! I feel like I am back in my childhood with the abuse I endured then and don't know how much more I can take.