Resentment of Father in Law

I agreed to let my elderly, stroke and Parkinson’s elderly father in law move in after he lost his 3rd wife, from out of town. My husband is an only child.

He has been here almost 2 years. My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have fought more since he has been here than in our entire marriage.

I know the “core” issue for me is that I do not respect him (FIL). He has made world class stupid decisions, let his “step children” walk all over him, steal from him and disrespect us, without saying a word.

We ran back and forth over 4.5 hours each way to his house to secure things, haul his stuff, sacrifice our weekends and sanity, and never once a thank you.

He is not the classic mean in law, but instead just sits here all day, won’t bath, in his recliner in the living room. Our house is very open and there are no other areas to sit in.

I felt fortunate and Blessed to be able to work from home after all these years, now that has become a curse. I have to keep my office door shut because he is less than 20ft away and I can’t be on conference call or concentrate with his loud TV, snoring, coughing, etc.

He has not one time offered to help do anything, although I realize he is very limited. I really think that we are his roommates and do not need any time alone, which is NEVER.

I vetted an area asst living home that offers respite stays. I went there 4 times
to check it out and even took him for a preview, so that my husband and I could go visit his mother out of town. Afterwards he told my husband that he would rather stay home. That poses all kinds of issues for us with food prep, etc.

We can’t entertain here and when my grown children and their families visit we have to blow up air mattresses in the living room.

I have to bargain with my husband to go out to eat alone, because he thinks it is rude, unless we take his father at least once a week too. The man can hardly feed himself and I know other diners can smell him.

His bathroom is a disgusting mess and I have had to just let it go. My husband is only concerned with making sure he is fed, since cooking is something he likes to do, but forget about the bathroom, his clothes, grooming, etc.

It goes without saying that I am just about to lose my mind. I do not like the person I have become and the anger and resentment I feel.

I finally got some help with the asking him to doctors appointments, but I am never, ever, ever in my house alone. I have absolutely no place to be other than my office and bedroom and outside if it’s nice out.

What to do. My husband is apathetic and has even told me that he thinks I may have a chemical imbalance because no one should be this upset over this.......truly I want to load him up, take him to an asst living and say “Get Out”!!!!!!!!

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