Resentment for an Elderly Parent

by Barbara
(UK)

I am an only child of 55 who cares for her elderly mom of 95. She has carers as I live a long way away but I am on the phone everyday to her. I have battled a high risk of breast cancer this year and still have to deal with her depression due to her bad arthritis, bad eye sight, etc.


I am giving up working full time as I have to accompany her to hospital and stay with her after wards. Old peoples selfishness I cannot deal with. They are not the only ones with health issues. I have a bet with my husband that I would be drawing my pension and my mom will still be here. She thinks she has not got a lot of time left!

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resentment
by: Anonymous

I am the one you said grow up,I have gotten over my depression and invasive breast cancer which gave me the resentment.The oncologist said also I had a high risk of recurrence. Despite operations,chemo and radiotherapy I went to see mum even if I as not well.

I have been with her recently and I cry when I go home because I love her so much and she has not got much time left. I wrote the comment when I was in a bad way. It breaks my heart how she is failing, so don't judge me as I do not want to be in that position myself.

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Get a New Perspective
by: Anonymous

Excuse me, but you sound rather selfish yourself. Your Mother is 95--it is natural that her needs are her priority as she is at the end of her life. That you and your husband have a bet that she outlives you sounds pretty callous.

I am the sole caretaker of my 86-year old mother (4 brothers don't do anything to help). I resent them tremendously and can relate to your feelings of resentment. Please try not to take it out on your Mother--when she is gone, you may wish you had been more patient, but it will be too late.

You might find yourself in her position one day--hope your children (if you have any)won't be resentful of you.

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Time to Grow Up
by: Christine

Barbara, you don't even live near your mother, let alone with her, and she has other caregivers. She is 95; she probably does NOT have a lot of time left.

My mother is 82 and has had a heart attack and two strokes. She is completely wheelchair-bound and can not even assist in her many transfers, but her mind is intact. Dysphasia has resulted in all food being a major issue, from planning to cooking to making sure she swallows correctly to prevent aspiration pneumonia.

Necessary trips to her physician are an almost impossible nightmare, and every ounce of expended energy exhausts her. She and I live with all of this, and much more, every day.

It's time for you to grow up and accept that right now some parts of your life are not as you wish, but they could always be worse.

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