Resentful? You bet I am!

by Bittersweet
(Massachusetts)

My mother, 91, has been living with me for 10 years. She's in good health, still drives and takes care of her daily needs. Frankly, I wish she would drop dead. I hate her so much.


I have 3 brothers, none of whom will do anything to help me. They never call or visit. I'm stuck with this old B***H until the day she finally dies!

I'm 60 years old and I feel like I have no life of my own. My mother has to know where I am every minute of the day, who I'm with and when I'm coming home. She's like a GD watch dog. She goes through my personal things and I know she's even read my mail.

I'm so sick of having her I don't know what to do or where to turn. She'll never move out and she's too healthy to be in a home or assisted living.

All I can do is hope she just drops dead one day....and I hope it's soon.

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Resentment grows like cancer!
by: Anonymous

I too am a caregiver of 87 year old woman (mom) and she is healthy as a horse,goes to church, shopping, cooks, and I lived with her when I was younger at her home.

She is widowed and I felt sorry for her so when I bought a home I moved her in. I feel resentment toward her cause she tries to control my life and I'm 55.

She is religious and I tried it for years to make her happy but I quit going. I feel like mom is better off than me but I just want her out so I can have peace.

My brother does nothing but invite her at holidays. It really is a terrible way to live and until you've been there you don't know.

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Amen, sister!
by: Anonymous­čśŐ

I thought I was the only one who feels that way about my mom. My mom absolutely drives me crazy.

I won't go into detail, but your post cracked me up!! Hang in there girlfriend, and find something to love the old lady for. And laugh!!! Laugh laugh laugh, take it one second at a time. Blessings to you!

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Anonymous Commenter you're rude
by: Anonymous

This is to Anonymous
You have a lot of nerve telling thus poor woman to get a grip. You need to shut the eff up.

These websites are here for people like her to voice their problems openly and she has. You have no right to criticize her.

We do not have a clear picture or an understanding of the abuse she may have suffered from her mom. One thing is for certain and that is we don't need people like you on here to make her feel worse. It's nor rocket science.

You should sit in her world for 24 hours you'd probably kill yourself.

This is for the caregiver: I understand how you must be feeling and I'm going to remember you in my prayers to ask the Lord to send you helpful people. It probably sounds shallow but you can do this.

Try writing on various blogs, etc., so that you can connect with other caregivers that will understand what you're going thru. Plus make new friends. It is bad what you said but I don't blame you one bit. GOD PLEASE BLESS HER AND HELP HER SURVIVE THIS. PEACE OK

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I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I've been living w/ my 81 year old mother for 12 years. First for financial reasons because she got divorced at 70!! I had to buy out her ex husband; her retirement income was crap & I lived in one bedroom apartment on the beach.

Then when economy tanked I was financially challenged and stuck w/ two properties. My entire social life went to shit since I moved to another area of town and lost touch w/ most of my party/jet-setting "wanna be" friends.

I feel isolated and miserable most of the time and now in my early fifties, feel like I wasted the last decade of my youth taking care of her financially and physically (she has fallen ill a few times).

She's a very depressive, negative, controlling & manipulative person. It's affected my personality. I'm a hermit. I never had kids; married for a short time and feel at this point, the only thing I look forward to is retiring but not if she's still around b/c she'll drive me crazy.

So I don't think you are a terrible person, your just overwhelmed. I think deep down that the mother and daughter bond makes us feel guilty for leaving them alone.

Face it, if we truly wanted to or were men, we'd find a way of cutting the cord and going on w/ our lives. Until we make peace w/ that, the situation will never resolve.

Once they pass we'll feel guilty and probably lonely because they were so much a part of our lives. I think we both need to pursue other interests and build a life outside of this caregiver role to be more fulfilled.

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Hope it doesn't happen to you
by: Anonymous

How can you talk about the woman who gave you life like that? Such talk only makes YOU look bad...not her. Get a grip.

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That's what assisted living homes are for
by: Anonymous

For years I thought assisted living communities were not for my mother. I toured them, thought about it, worried, but after one too many rage events between my mom and I, I finally moved her in to one.

It hasn't been easy, but now after several months it is finally a happy situation.

My mother is happier because there are people her age around, and plenty of staff to cater to her. She has privacy and is in control of her own day.

I go to visit every day, bring treats, check on her, and we have a loving visit.

I hope you can figure out a way to make it happen for you.

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I get it.
by: Anonymous

Hah. I get it. I know exactly where you're coming from. After 2 years with my mom living here, I finally learned it's not HER words/actions/mindset/needs that was making me crazy; it was MY RESPONSES to all of it.

Until I figured that out, I was in a constant state of fight or flight. I should add "resentment" to that, too, as I still resent having lost my privacy and home (to suit her needs). But there are some things you just can't waste your time hating. It accomplishes nothing but upsetting yourself over and over.

I appreciate your honesty though. It made me laugh, because that's how so many people (including myself at times) feel, but they don't have to guts to say it.

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