Resentful of Siblings

by Cindy
(Chatham, VA)

I was a stay at home parent. I did work some after our kids got out on their own. When my mom and my uncle who lived together and started needing help each day I was there everyday. I did all the daily things that were needed. Getting their meds and giving them their meds everyday.

My uncle died 2 years ago so mom moved in with me and my husband. I have a brother and a sister who do nothing to help us. I have to make my sister mad to get any help at all.

She will maybe get mom a weekend or two a month. She is still working but will not retire to help. I feel so used and taken for granted by my siblings. My brother lives about 2 hours away but goes a month or more and not even a phone call. My sister is just as bad she has not called mom since middle of June.

I have sacrificed my life for my mom I don't resent her I do resent my siblings. My husband and I could also use the extra income. My mom has early signs of dementia and cant live alone. She really needs someone with her she gets confused sometimes and does not remember where she is.

I don't understand how they can neglect her so much. It feels better to let this out. Thank you

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Why won't they see?
by: Kathy, Lousiville, KY

I am the main caregiver to my mother who has vascular dementia. She is probably end stage 4 - stage 5 and needs way more supervision than we can give her. My siblings say they can't do more. I am also taking care of my adult manic-depressive son(severe). I am burning out.

They don't see or refuse to see how far along Mom really is. They think she's okay to live alone. They say she deserves to stay in her home. She is not safe - she needs more looking after!

I have even requested that they attend a family meeting with her doctor - they won't do that. They are afraid of what he'll tell them, I think.

I cannot have her in my home and neither one of them is willing, either. I am at my wit's end! I am afraid something drastic will have to happen to Mom before they see the need for a home. Dementia is not just simply aging. I just don't know how to make them see!

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You are Doing the Right Thing
by: Anonymous

Just remember at the end of the day you are doing the right thing and you are so awesome!

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Siblings Who Won't Come on Board
by: Wendy

Hello my name is Wendy and I can feel your hurt regarding your siblings leaving you to physically and emotionally support your mum.

I have a similar problem and I recently read an article on a website ageingcare.com (3 reasons why siblings won't come on board). For myself I found this very helpful.

From that I wrote all the family members, including my sister and the grandchildren an update on my mum's condition, both physically and emotionally and her memory lapses. I then wrote exactly what I had done for her and with her for the week. I intend to do this weekly.

I don't know if it will make a difference but it makes me feel better and it me conveying that my mother is and important person.

Hope it helps a bit.

Love Wendy

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