Resentful of Siblings

I do not resent caring for my father at all, as I love him and want him to know that he is loved and cared for.

I know that I will not feel any regret after he is gone, as I have done all that I can. I do, however, feel that I will be an only child when this is all over.

I have three other siblings.. one nearby, the others only a few hours away. I have begged and pleaded for help only to be told off or that we should put him into a home. I will never forget their lack of help or the compassion that they have denied my father.

I wish there were some other way, but I will not ask for their help ever again. On the plus side, I have wonderful friends who have no problem pitching in when I ask. Go figure.

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In the same boat
by: Anonymous

This sounds like my story.

I am the only one to care for my elderly father. He has terrible arthritis and mobility issues.

My mother decided after 35 years of marriage to simply walk out on him. He had just retired and given up his income. He lives on social security. She refuses to help with the bills or the care of the numerous cats she adopted before she left.

She has since adopted 2 more cats and ironically took a second job working at an assisted living facility, because she was quote "bored and didn't have anything to do". This had lead my father into depression, which in turn makes him mean and difficult to deal with.

He will sometimes get depressed and just look for things to complain about. He has called me every name in the book and even once punched me in the face because he believes I don't do enough for him around the house. I have a 2 brothers and sister. None of whom will do anything to actually help out.

I have a twin brother that lives 25 minutes away, has no job and refuses to help out at all. If he does come to visit the first thing he does is start talking about how he has to leave! He won't help out with my dad's laundry, food prep, errands or anything else! He is a mechanic by training and even refuses to look at his car.

I have paid for expensive auto repairs to my dad's car, even though I myself have to walk to work every day!He often yells and screams at my father when he does visit. Which makes for a grumpy old man for me to deal with when I get home.

My older brother lives an hour away. Refuses to come and help. Has no problem telling me all the things he thinks I am doing wrong, or all the things I should be doing by am not.

I have literally 100s of nasty text messages from my older brother. He won't show up, won't provide any financial support, even though he is a position to do so. He has no problem criticizing my efforts, but absolutely refuses to get his hands dirty helping OUR father.Both of my brothers claim they are too busy. My twin brother in unemployed and my older brother works part time.

I grow extremely resentful when they behave as though I am not busy and that their time is more valuable then mine, despite their employment status.

My sister has drug problems and suffers from extreme anxiety. I guess she has her own problems, but don't we all!!!!!!

For the cherry on top, my older brother has also decided it is a good idea to pick fights with my girlfriend. So in addition to the strain caring for my father puts on our relationship, my brother just feels it is his duty to make it that much harder for me.

Ironically the last time he got into an argument with her (we no longer see him) it was because she didn't make my father breakfast while we were on a weekend trip (me, my girlfriend, father and older brother). My brother literally sat on his butt all weekend and had the nerve to complain that my girlfriend didn't make my father breakfast! As though he couldn't do it himself!

Ironically, I was washing the dishes from the night before from the BBQ i had cooked for all of them while this was going on. Thanks for helping with the dishes!!!

My father gets depressed and lashes out. He is mean and cruel sometimes. My girlfriend and I have been looking into buying a house for quite some time. I am ready to just walk out and let them take over his care. I don't know how much more I can handle. I have my own life to lead.

Its nice knowing I am not the only one in this situation. Best of luck to all of you! Just writing this out has been a little bit of a relief. Thanks for reading!

Siblings part of problem not solution
by: Tara

Wow! As I was reading your comment, it was like I was reading my own story. Older siblings all live nearby and rarely call and never help .

Elderly parent is 100% compos mentis but is just getting older. Siblings either won't help or if pressed into action , make a huge deal about it. Even worse, they promise to call and don't show.

They resent me for all sorts of juvenile reasons based on adolescent resentments. My siblings by the way, are in their 60's! I found it hard for a long time to accept their selfishness, but I'm letting go now.

Not easy to accept that I'm effectively an only child . It really does help to read the stories hear- it's good to know I'm not alone.

Response to "totally can relate.."
by: Anonymous

Hi. I just read your kind words to my post. Thank you. I have to say that I almost choked when I read your comment about only one weekend vacation. I too recently went away for a weekend only to be told that my trip was "really bad timing." Seriously? Wow. Hang in there.

From what I've been hearing, this is pretty common so I guess we'd better just get used to it. One word, though: KARMA. :)

Totally can relate...
by: Anonymous

I have the same problem with my siblings. Only it is our Mother, instead of Dad. I too give caregiving to Our Mother, key word: OUR. But you'd think I was her only child.

It has been three years and I have only had one weekend off to go on a mnt trip. I have almost begged. I often hear, let me get back to you. But they never do. And while one does live five hours away, he sure does a lot of family vacations. Mom could go along sometimes or they could at least bring her to their home, that she has begged them to let her visit. I am so tired.

And I fear that she will not be able to go if they keep waiting. She is declining more every day.
I have to say that you are the best child your Father has. You truly care. And you will not regret it, as you stated. Bless you!

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