Resentful for Caring for Elderly Mother

by Lynn

I have been the primary care giver for my 94 yr old mother for the past 5 years. She broke her hip, had replacement, went through rehab and therapy and couldn't live by herself anymore.

Then she had gall bladder and hernia surgery plus she has macular degeneration and can't see very much anymore. The entire family "decided" since I live closest to her I should be the one to take care of her. At the time, my husband and I thought we were doing the "right" thing, added on to our house and moved her in. What a horrible mistake for all of us!

Mother had me late in life, I'm 52, oldest brother is 72, next brother is 55. Both brothers live out of state and occasionally grace us with their presence. I have begged for help, had rants and rages, said things I shouldn't have said and basically have just stopped trying for their help. I'm beginning to resent that I ever moved mother but now its too late to do anything else.

She refuses to go anywhere else because no one understands her, blah blah blah. My husband is my rock but he gets frustrated too because my family sits back and leaves everything for me to do. We pay someone to help which has eased some of the stress on me (I work a full time job) but that only goes so far. I stay depressed and am taking medication to help.

Other than just being down right mean and hateful I wonder if there is help. I threatened the family that I would put mother in a nursing home if they didn't help - now everyone is mad at me. I have heard some of the lamest excuses and then I find out they keep on with their carefree lives and I'm stuck!

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No Guilt Required
by: Melissa

We had a similar situation except our father would not move in with any of us. After a serious fall and other health issues we did move him to a nursing home. I have no guilt.

I know we couldn't have done it financially or emotionally. We can still be involved with your Mother and her care just not around the clock without help. It seems the out of town relatives always think they know what is best when it costs them nothing.

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