Resent or not to Resent ... That is the Question.

by Catherine
(Berkley, MI)


It seems that after reading some of the other situations people are in with their parents and care-giving, my situation is null and void, but here it goes. My mom is 84, and quit driving this June 2011.

My brother who moved in with her when he divorced over 10 years ago does basic things that he would do for himself if he lived alone. You know, things like grocery shopping, laundry, and cutting the lawn. He recently started grocery shopping as my mom would do it until fairly recently.

She was also doing the laundry until recently, but even though my brother does the laundry, my mom still folds clothes. I know that many times my mom doesn't feel like cooking dinner and so the two of them go out for dinner, and I am pretty sure that most of the time it is her treat. If she does cook dinner, my brother washes dishes. A small price to pay for a home-cooked meal.

I live about 4 miles away, and have a teenage son and husband. I work at a school, and do get summers off; although, this is the first year I have not looked for a summer job. I completely understand the fact that I am not working this summer, but that does not mean that I want to be taking my mom to all of her doctors appointments.

It is expected that I will do this. She also gets her hair done once a week, and I am sharing this with my brother by taking her every-other-week. I suppose it is the right thing to continue taking her to these doctors' appointments. There are things that I would do for her if my brother wasn't living there, but many times I go over there and he's laying in his room not doing anything.

Thank you for listening. I wish you all good luck in taking care of your parents.

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A New Attitude
by: Anonymous

Well, I am getting over the pity party. I really don't believe my dad was whining when I was born and he was broke and washing my diapers out of a tin tub in the cold winter. I don't believe he was whining when my 19 year old mother was staying home with me and they were living in a travel trailer.

My heart has opened up and I am letting go of what others won't do for him. We go through this life and we need to do the right thing, even if it means sacrifice. And it does mean sacrifice.

Just because brother or sister turns the blind eye, that gives you no right to do the same. If you resent your siblings, your parent will pick up on it just like you picked up on things growing up that were not right. It's a waste of time to resent others. Our parents don't have a lot of time.

I, for one, have had my eyes opened up as to the needs of my father, and God help him, through all his pain I do not know how sometimes he stands it. The Good Book tells us to HONOR our parents. It is a commandment. I know some folks did not have very good parents. And some folks resent the way they were raised. I cannot claim any of these complaints.

If we just do what we think is right, with love, everything will work out in the end. Every day will not be pleasant, but oh my goodness, what is the alternative? I say, let go of expectations of others that you know will go unfulfilled.

Actions speak louder than words, and if you have not seen any action from people who ought to know better, then there it is. Don't make your old folks pay the price for the indifference of others.

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