Re-examining the Dutiful Daughter Role
I find myself still wading thigh high in dangerous reactions to my mentally ill mother: silent anger, resentment, grief, confusion, and so on. I see how this is taking a toll on my health. No good! Got to keep trying something different if the way you are going is getting you more lost, right?
How about challenging my underlying beliefs? What are the thoughts that I have constructed long ago that keep frustrating my desires in the present? What do I have to let go of to feel peace within?
I cannot change the past. I cannot change anyone else but myself.
Can I let go of the love of the role of being the dutiful daughter: a co-dependant relationship that enables me to feel powerless, victim, and has fueled my mother's delusions of power over others?
Can I view my mother as a person whom I am helping but distance myself from her as my mother. She really no longer is the mother I was close to. I am hurting myself with disappointment and grief to continue with those old habitual thoughts in relation to her.
Can I say, "Lord, I am stuck in my psychological baggage, but YOU are free. Help her through me and let me feel YOUR joy."
Lord, show me how to see her as YOU see her. Show me how to let go and forgive. I want to be free, loving, kind, and connected to YOU. Help me dissolve my old negative feelings that keep me from YOU."
Will this help any of you out there? Hope so.