Ready to Scream

My sister and I are dealing with both of our parents, 90 & 92, and they are driving us to despair.


My dad has dementia and is quite advanced now, but my mom refuses to put him in an Alzheimer's unit, or even assisted living. It is not because she doesn't want them parted. It is financial.

They have the money but she won't spend it.

So she grows more weary and angry every day as she tries to deal with him and her own weakened state.

At one point, after she broke her kneecap in a fall, we moved them into an assisted living apartment. After a few months, my mom called the movers and moved them back to their condo. (We had it on the market, but it didn't sell fast enough).

We have tried a cleaning/companion service. She refused to answer the door. We have a new cleaning lady who has come twice and now she is ready to fire her, too, because she wants to switch her cleaning day from Thursday to Wednesday.

Mom is furious with her.

They are both bitter and angry and it drains the life out of me. I can hardly stand to visit or call. It is like drinking poison.

The only help she wants is from my sister and I and we are exhausted. Now we are feeling angry and resentful that they won't accept ANY help except from us.

They have always been critical and difficult.

This is 10 times worse.

When people who have lost their parents tell me I am so lucky to still have mine, I want to scream
but I know that they would never understand.

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Designated Caregiver
by: JK

I cared full time for my father with dementia for 12 years. I care for my mother who has cancer and early stage dementia.

I am a single divorced mother and my brother lives out of state. He calls regularly and tells me I do a good job but he never contributes financially to her care.

I have sacrificed my financial and social life to care for our parents and I would do it all over in a heartbeat, but I resent my rich brother for not helping out financially. I am so angry and he has no idea.
J.

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Sorry to hear that
by: Anonymous

My brother and I are dealing with our 88 year old mother who has Pulmonary Fibrosis and is now legally blind. She is difficult to deal with, everything is a battle with her.

I had to take a break and step back, I though I was going to have a heart attack. She can't say anything nice to anyone. She has me drive across town to save 50 cents, and spend 5.00 in gas. She won't shop at our grocery store even though I can't pickup anything with my right arm due to a rotator cuff tear.

I love her but she is a pain in the butt! She said I'll never go into a nursing home, my brother has her medical power of attorney and I feel for him.

At some point people have to let go and get the help they need. My mother always wished I'd get married, I did at 50 and now want to spend a little time with my husband.

Life is what you make of it I see plenty of people playing cards, enjoying the activities in nursing homes.

I feel for everyone dealing with difficult parents.

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Thanks
by: Anonymous

It helps just to know somebody understands.

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I hear you!
by: Anonymous

"like drinking poison", I totally get that. I wasn't quite sure I would live through trying to keep mom in her own home without having my own stress related heart attack!

I feel for you and your sister. No advice, just feel for you!
m-santa rosa Ca

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