Pessimistic Mother

I am 61 years old and I lost my father 7 and 1/2 years ago. I have been caring for my mother since his death. I helped my parents while my dad was still alive with all of the day to day stuff that came up in their lives before his passing.

My mom and dad argued often during my childhood, and I think that my mom gets her greatest joy from arguing. She always let me know that I was stupid if I did not perform as well as I should have in whatever task, she thought that this would push me to prove her wrong, but unfortunately I convinced myself that I was stupid.

She never sees the bright side of anything, and just brings pessimism to every event. Up until she totaled her car last week, and of course the accident was not her fault in her mind, even though it was, she was driving herself to run a couple of errands every week.

I will be taking her drivers license away from her, and just dread the venom that is going to spew forth from her mouth. There is barely any appreciation for anything that she has, she has a nice home, all of the necessities, but does not appreciate any of it. My stress level grows by the day!

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How to take license away
by: Gina

I know what it's like to live with a negative, skeptical, pessimistic person -- they suck all the oxygen out of the room. I want to make sure that your mom deserves to have her license taken away. One accident doesn't necessarily mean she is an incompetent driver so please evaluate this action very carefully before you go through with it.

You can write to the state and anonymously make your case as to why she should be retested (and hopefully fail). I've done it for 4 seniors. Other strategies are to ask neighbors and friends to take her places (and pay them on the sly with cash or gift card, or give them money to take themselves and your mom out to eat during the errand.

Order stuff for her that is delivered to her house, like groceries. Once she is driving much less, she won't miss driving.

Now that her car is totaled she won't have it for a while anyway. My 93 yr old neighbor has her son get her Uber and Lyft rides to places. I "borrowed" my Mom-on-law's van and drove it to my house and parked it then told her it had mechanical trouble and just didn't return it. Wishing you well!

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81 Ungrateful Mom
by: AnonymousRob

I moved out of my house so she could have it for herself. Shes a hoarder and has made my house a disgusting mess. When I visit (once a month) it takes her 3 seconds to start nagging and complaining about me.

"My children do nothing for me". Mom, you live in my house for free, I pay all utilities and I take care of the yard and shovel snow when its >4". You have food in every cabinet, the garage and the bathroom. There is a 1' wide path to walk from one room to another.

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Are you sure you want to do this?
by: Greenacres

My Mom is also very pessimistic. I thing I have found on this blog is that everyone ages differently.

My mom is 76 and will NOT drive, while my Mother in law is 87 and is still driving. She has been in a few fender benders, but she still drives. It is part of her independence. She has already given up her home to live with her daughter.

If you take her driver's license away, she will definitely consider you the "villian". I have an idea. Maybe you could arrange an appointment with the Driver Testing Center for a driver's test. If she fails, then you will be off the hook.

May you have a nice day and try not to stress. I hope this gets to you in time!

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It gets worse
by: Anonymous

I so understand and I'm sorry to tell you that when you mix in accelerating dementia it only gets worse.

I had my mom here with me for a year and finally went to my doctor and asked for an antidepressant because the stress was killing me slowly. It helps some, but there are days I still go out to the garage and turn the air on in my car and sit there for half an hour in the dark.

My mom is also very negative. She's also lost the filter most of us have to keep our thoughts to ourselves, so I hardly take her anywhere anymore because her comments about other people are just cruel and mean.

I try to understand that her life has changed completely and that things are happening to her mentally that probably frighten her. She's living in a body that no longer cooperates with what she wants to do. There is a lot for her to deal with emotionally as well as me.

It's all just so sad. I hate to even think that could be me someday.

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