by Anonymous

Over the last few years, I have written several posts out of frustration over caring for my parent and the loss of my personal time and space. It has now been over a two months since my Mother passed away. It is amazing how my perspective changed as her health declined.

Suddenly the bitterness for what I had given up all vanished from my heart and mind. I had always went through mixed feelings about wanting to care for her and struggling with the sacrifices made to do so.

In those last weeks, all I could see was the beautiful woman who had always lived her life for others and who now and for sometime had needed someone to care for her.

I still remember the frustration I felt over the years and wonder why I wasted my time feeling suffocated by the responsibility instead of relishing in the opportunity to care for her and be with her.

I regret not having more patience at times and not spending more time just visiting with her. When you care for someone full time, it is hard to just enjoy them because you are so busy and self preservation makes it difficult to spend more time with that person than necessary.

I do know I did the absolute best I could for my Mother and that she felt safe with me right up until her last moment on earth.

I have struggled to find my place now that she is gone. I had taken care of her for so long, I truly forgot who I was and how to live my life for myself. I'm constantly thinking, I've got to hurry home to check on Mom or pick up her favorite items from the store.

While I always knew I would miss Mom when she was gone, I never imagined I would be so lost.
The exhausted and bitter me that I was a few years ago would be shocked that I felt no sense of relief and am struggling to put my life back together.

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by: Anonymous

My uncle says similar things about caring for my grandparents. He said that it was hard, but that in the end, he really treasures the time he got to spend with them that his siblings weren't there for.

I am trying to remember his words as I go through this.

by: Anonymous

I hope at some point I can gain your perspective. Right now I am frustrated and angry with having my mom constantly in my(our) space.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I find myself resenting it. It would be easier if she would just occupy herself sometimes. Right now she wants every minute of my attention.

I'm fed up

You're Free
by: Anonymous

So you are now free from your duties and have to re-adjust to life outside of them.

You sound like the person who is released from prison after being in for a long time, who has to overcome the guilt and learn how to integrate once more into a free life.

At least you can say that your mother was a good person who only needed your help in her decline. Most of the people here couldn't say the same for their parent.

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your perspective...I am exhausted from caring for my parents (87 years old) as they slip away into dementia and there are days when I can't remember who I am anymore.

But I will now focus on your comments and try to remember that I won't have them much longer and I need to focus on being with life will need to be repaired when they are gone but I'm lucky to have them now.

Thank you for that
by: Tammy

I'm in the middle of the caregiving process. The first two years were hell, and the last year, I've incorporated it into my life and found I have grown and able to roll with the punches.

But I do have those times where I just wish it were all over.

I imagine I probably don't have more than two years left with him, and your post helped me to realize that one day I will be looking back. And that helps me to appreciate him more.

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