Past the Point of no Return?

by Barry
(Colorado)

My wife is taking care of her 91 yr old parents. She is the only child. She is doing all the cooking and was doing the cleaning. Our daughter is now helping 3 days a week.


I have been helping as much as I can, maintenance, mowing etc. Also, I keep up with all the duties in our own home. It is overwhelming.

We are both retired and would like to travel, but can't leave. It wouldn't be as bad if they would cooperate with us.

They are both Lovers of Money and will not pay for any help. They brag about how much money they have in the bank, which makes me furious as my wife and I are paying the bills.

My wife will not talk to them about this nor will she ask them for money. We also pay our daughter for her help. They want to stay in there own home and my wife is trying to do that.
They are NOT normal people.

I'm at the end of my rope and am seriously thinking about leaving. But I know that is not fair to my wife. I see our window closing everyday. We've been married 44 yrs. But I can also see our health going down hill everyday.

They just keep on breathing and demanding care.
What do we do????

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Caregiving of Elderly Parents
by: Sally B

You are so correct - it is enough to want you leave.
I am in the same boat - but it's not going anywhere except to the assisted living residence. I can't leave either in case my mom falls and needs to go to the hospital.

I am at the end of my rope. Five years this has been going on. I lost my job because I was taking my vacation time off for mom's needs, not mine.

I suggest you go talk to an elder care lawyer who can tell you what your options are.

Hire a care manager to fill in while you both take a trip. This is what I need to do.

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Taking care of my parents
by: Anonymous

Hey Barry, I'm so glad I read yours! I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. One is my twin! I take care of both of my parents you may say by myself.

I was laid off in 2009. My dad had a stroke that same year. I lived off of my unemployment and helped them. Then my unemployment ran out. They started paying me. They helped me some when I drew unemployment with gas.

I'm the one who started the wheels rolling for them to receive the money they get to pay me, I wouldn't even take it all. Now I'm like your wife I do everything. Cleaning paying bills buying groceries . I mean everything .

We helped my twin move down her to help me, she only lived 30 minutes away to start with. She gripes the whole time. My mom so use to me she don't want anyone else. I told her I need a break. They are both in bad health.

I think she has signs of dementia. All of my siblings make up excuses. I could write a book. Then of all things I accused my husband running around on me. It's so hard! I love my husband so much. We have been through so much.

We lost our daughter when she was 19 in a car accident. I ask you to sit your wife down and tell her how much you love her. Tell her you need a vacation at least. Her parents should pay y'all. I need a vacation myself.

When I say that , they all say they do too. I can tell my husband has changed. In the past 2 weeks. He may be having affair. Which I couldn't blame him. It just hurts. I hope you and your wife can work this out. I can tell you are a great man and she's a wonderful lady. I need to take my own advice. Before it's to late. I will pray for y'all !!!

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Unreal.
by: Leasa

Barry, when you got married, did the reverend say, "until death do you part or whatever makes her parents happy"?

Seriously, you need to get your wife and go to see a counselor asap.

It's time for honesty. It's time to man up and make sure your wife understands that you are an equal partner in your marriage and that you are tired and want to enjoy your life while it's still possible.

Old or not, her parents sound like selfish buffoons and you and your wife are buying into it.

Show your wife what was you wrote. Read it yourself. Step away from the situation and look at what you are doing. Leave if you have to.

Good luck Barry.

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