Part Time Caretaker Becoming Full Time Caretaker Next Week

We moved my mom into a nearby senior apartment back in 2012 due to a small stroke. At that time she was still driving and fairly independent. Fast forward to now, she hasn't been driving the last 3 years and is now having mobility issues. I have been taking her to appointments, shopping and helping her with cleaning etc.

Recently she has been having difficulty keeping up with her apt. and some difficulty just doing basic things.

Since her lease will expire at the end of this month my husband and I decided now would be a good time to take her in to live with us. I have to admit, this is something I have feared would happen one day, and here it is.

I know it sounds extremely selfish, but I don't want her to live here , but I know it's the right thing to do and she really does need help. She only gets a little from social security so it doesn't seem that there are other options at this time. Her mind is still sharp and she would refuse to be placed in a home. She has always told me that she would rather I shoot her than ever put her in a home.

Anyway, although I love her she is very difficult to deal with, but I just bite my tongue and press on knowing that it is temporary, and I can drop her off at her place and then return to my peaceful home.

She is under the impression that because she is "The mother" she can do as she wishes and has already told me what she will do in my home. That's not going to happen. While I realize it is going to be hard for her to lose her independence, I am going to have to put my foot down with certain things.

She does not respect the fact that I am a 57 year old adult and that I have my own way of running my household.

I am dreading this experience and am praying that God will help me to handle things the right way.

I feel selfish and evil having this attitude, and maybe I am, but I can't seem to help how I feel about this.

In the meantime my siblings can't or won't help out. They assume I will take care of everything, probably because I always have. We all live in different states and have different circumstances in our lives. I'm already getting resentful. I don't think I've ever felt this say before. *sigh

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Big mistake
by: Anonymous

I am the OP of this post.
Let me tell you moving her in was a HUGE mistake.

It has been a nightmare to say the least.
I don't know what I'm going to do but this has got to change.

I feel your pain
by: Richard

I feel for you. My mother has Alzheimer's and I have been taking care of her in my home for the past four years. I am 54 years old and had to quit my job in order to do this. I have two siblings.

One helps very little and the other has nothing to do with me or my mother. My mother has a brother and a cousin and they have nothing to do with my mother and I.

Taking care of my mother is probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. As I mentioned earlier, I had to leave my job of 17 years. My employer was not supportive of me and my eldercare issues.

All I can say is I do not regret taking care of my mother. I know that in the end, I will know that I did the right thing for my mother. After all, she took care of me as a child and teenager and I am sure it was not an easy task for her. I regret that my mother's extended family have nothing to do with her. They should be so ashamed of themselves.

Hang in there. taking care of your loved one will not e easy but in the long term will be a rewarding experience and you will not regret it.

Don't be the doormat
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. have already admitted that the rest of your life will be pure hell with this woman in your life.

AssISTED LIVING!!!!!!!! If she can't afford it, sign her up for medicaid.

My father was so bad that I would take on a part time job to help pay his way so that I would not have to have constant judgement, complaints, filth and drama.

Be strong, stop feeling guilty, DEMAND that your siblings get over themselves and help, but most of all ...say no.

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