by Edward
(Washington, PA.)

My biggest problem is that there is no help from other family members. The whole responsibility has been placed on my shoulders to the point that I can't never hardly see friends, I can't date, I can barely have time to relax in my own home, due to keeping up with bills, yards work, cooking. laundry, medical, Etc Etc,

It comes right down to living life for the other person and thinking for them. My mother is 82 years old with Sugar and bad dementia and thus she forgets to take her own insulin, so you must remember this and see too it that she eats 30 min after the shot. Ive been at this for 5 years now and not once has there been relief from any of my sisters, or brother. It can be frustrating, overwhelming and very depressing.... to day after day seek to keep afloat. Ive always described it as bailing water out of a boat.

My mother is not at fault for her condition, I see it as, it being what it is for elderly people. I am a church goer and its very hard to attend when each day your tired and have things to do. I have missed church quite frequently and can't always make it due to having to clean the home, or I just don't feel like going most of the time. Seeking to fulfill my mother daily needs is a challenge. I do have a caregiver who watches her while I am at work, but she leaves as soon as I get home from my job and
then home becomes a second job for me. Home is no longer home. Its a second job.

Please understand that I love my mother very dearly and will continue for her sake, but as a christian man I fight bitterness in my heart about my family and how they have neglected my mother where it counts. I have felt there is no love lost in this family these days.

My coping has come about when she goes to bed and I have stayed up to watch TV . I have gone to my bedroom to listen to music, or have gone outside and got into a project in the garage, or got into yard work. Ive done this to avoid the repetition of the same old questions. I am sorry that at times that my mother has frustrated me to the point of severe guilt. I have embraced her and told her how sorry I was for being so sore with her. I am but a man whose trying to do the right thing by one of his family members.

I have reached the point where I no longer am concerned for my own health. I over eat and have gained weight and I do not cope too well, or not well enough. I feel wasted and worthless after these 5 years and very unloved by my Family. I guess you could say that I am the Cinderella man. Doing the chores while the rest of the family runs off and plays. I am sorry for perhaps a bleak message here, but it is indeed a brutally honest one.

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Your reward in Heaven will be Great Someday my Friend
by: Been There in California

May the Good Lord Bless you and your Mom. You are a good son and although sometimes you may not feel it, your Mom appreciates all that you are doing for her.

Eventually this illness will progress to the point that it really is impossible to care for your loved one 24/7 without compromising your own health. When you feel burned out and no longer feel willing to care for her and feel nothing but anger and resentment then its time to consider alternatives such as a care facility specializing in dementia care.

You can still visit her daily but the primary care can be handled by staff at the facility. It doesn't mean you gave up on her so please do not beat yourself up.

I Know How you Feel
by: Anonymous


I know what you are going thru but in my case this person I am caring for is my boyfriends father no relative of mine. He works away and only home two sometimes three days a week, his brothers live in another town not to close but far enough away to be an inconvenience for them to visit or care for their father.

So, I am the 24/7 caregiver. Not getting paid, no breaks, and yet still holding this household in one piece. Long deep breaths wishing for loud screams, a lot of talking to myself, feeling guilty if I have to run to the store because I feel rushed that the person watching him wants to go on with their everyday life.

You are not alone and are a wonderful person for caring for your mother. I know that God will watch over us and not let anything go wrong in our experiences or adventures we have learned or are learning in the process.

You have a wonderful day.:)

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