Overwhelming

by Edward
(Washington, PA.)

My biggest problem is that there is no help from other family members. The whole responsibility has been placed on my shoulders to the point that I can't never hardly see friends, I can't date, I can barely have time to relax in my own home, due to keeping up with bills, yards work, cooking. laundry, medical, Etc Etc,

It comes right down to living life for the other person and thinking for them. My mother is 82 years old with Sugar and bad dementia and thus she forgets to take her own insulin, so you must remember this and see too it that she eats 30 min after the shot. Ive been at this for 5 years now and not once has there been relief from any of my sisters, or brother. It can be frustrating, overwhelming and very depressing.... to day after day seek to keep afloat. Ive always described it as bailing water out of a boat.

My mother is not at fault for her condition, I see it as, it being what it is for elderly people. I am a church goer and its very hard to attend when each day your tired and have things to do. I have missed church quite frequently and can't always make it due to having to clean the home, or I just don't feel like going most of the time. Seeking to fulfill my mother daily needs is a challenge. I do have a caregiver who watches her while I am at work, but she leaves as soon as I get home from my job and then home becomes a second job for me. Home is no longer home. Its a second job.

Please understand that I love my mother very dearly and will continue for her sake, but as a christian man I fight bitterness in my heart about my family and how they have neglected my mother where it counts. I have felt there is no love lost in this family these days.

My coping has come about when she goes to bed and I have stayed up to watch TV . I have gone to my bedroom to listen to music, or have gone outside and got into a project in the garage, or got into yard work. Ive done this to avoid the repetition of the same old questions. I am sorry that at times that my mother has frustrated me to the point of severe guilt. I have embraced her and told her how sorry I was for being so sore with her. I am but a man whose trying to do the right thing by one of his family members.

I have reached the point where I no longer am concerned for my own health. I over eat and have gained weight and I do not cope too well, or not well enough. I feel wasted and worthless after these 5 years and very unloved by my Family. I guess you could say that I am the Cinderella man. Doing the chores while the rest of the family runs off and plays. I am sorry for perhaps a bleak message here, but it is indeed a brutally honest one.

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