by Anonymous
(Chicago, IL)

My mother and father are currently in their 80’s and their health is declining. I am 45 and I have three other siblings who are nearing 60, so I am the youngest. We all do provide help to my parents so that is thankfully not an issue. My question is this. I have for a few years been going to my parent’s home almost every Saturday to tend to their needs. You name it I do it. I am usually there from the morning until night. I feel like I work 6 days a week and I’m quite exhausted. I'm angry all the time and snap at everything!

I was even in the hospital for a brief period due to stress. I originally thought I was having a heart attack but it thankfully was just an anxiety attack. You may be wondering why this small thing of tending to my parents on Saturday would put me in the hospital but there are other factors that have happened in my life that have exasperated things.

Besides, I can't remember the last time my wife and I made plans for the weekend because well we simply can't! Saturday is "My Day"!

I know there are people on this site who have MUCH heavier loads to carry than I, so please tread lightly. I'm just tired and need some advice.

Since I’m the youngest I feel like I should be doing this with a smile on my face but it’s starting to get the best of me and I’m starting to have a lot of resentment towards my parents. My wife thinks I’m pushing it too.

They have plenty of money and do get care throughout the day, except for when my other siblings need to take them to doctor’s appointments throughout the week. I’m coming to the point though that I’m about to ask my mother if it’s okay that I tend to their needs every other Saturday instead of every Saturday.

I thought about still doing every Saturday and just leaving early but I know myself and my parents and I know I would give in and stay. I always feel guilty and ashamed and feel I should be killing myself to take care of them.

Two of my siblings talk behind my back and it hurts. Everyone in my family is so damn cold. We're Italian Catholic if that gives you an idea of my family life Lol! I certainly can’t give every detail of my situation in a post but I feel bad for wanting to do this.

Am I being selfish? It may seem like a silly question but just wanted some thoughts.

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Wean yourself slowly away
by: Anonymous

Did that too but my day was Sunday-now mom lives with me. ( I hate it) Can you try and get out earlier every other Saturday?

Try that first, then leave earlier every Saturday -then try to do every other Saturday. Wean them from you slowly - you may have less guilt. Good luck

I retitled it :)
by: Anonymous

Sorry, but my original post was somehow added after I resubmitted the current post which is what you are now reading. It was my error but it is basically the same post with some modifications. Sorry for the confusion folks and I am grateful for your replies :)

by: Greenacres

I read an almost identical post. Could that be why my family sucks? Italian catholic, we are. MY sister and brother and law told me to go fu** myself. Don't know why, oh I remember. I asked what a poa was and what can she do with it.

Plus I moved mom in with me because she kept having panic attacks while under my little sister's care with mom living alone and would end up in the emergency room. Just follow your heart and do not become like them.

I don't understand all the bad mouthing, as we should all be pulling together. You are a decent person and very sensitive. We need to put on our thick skins when dealing with siblings. Hope your day is good.

by: Greenacres

Hi. If the situation is affecting your health, you'd better slow down. I'm 55 and the most exertion is the emotional stress. I know what it is being raised catholic. You are being too hard on yourself. I don't think you should feel bad. You're helping out a lot. Let your heart guide you.

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