Our Mother is an Emotional Downer
How do you help your newly widowed mother when you live 3,000 miles away?
My sister & I live on the East Coast & my 2 brothers live fairly close to her on the West Coast. One is not able to even care for himself and the other has a young family of his own.
In our parents later years of life (50+) they retired early. They never made it a point to make friends, it was just the two of them. Our mother has sisters and brothers who live 4 hours from them.
But to get to the point,our mother is so hard to be around for longer than a day at the most. She is constantly talking behind everyone's back and is such a "negative Nancy". She thrives on the bad stuff, you try to change the subject and she gets mad.
She even talks bad about each of us (her children) when the other one isn't around.
Now there's the guilt thrown on us about how she's all alone, everything keeps breaking down around her (we tried for over 10 years to get them to move closer to family while our father was alive).
I know she needs our help but I am a happy person and her negative behavior is driving me farther and farther away. I now call her less often because I can't handle it anymore.
She has been a downer for the past 10 or so years of her life. I'm sure that's why her siblings keep a distance too. We know she won't change bit she sure knows how to put the guilt on us.
I love my mother very much and I love myself to much to have to listen to all the bad stuff all the time. I'm feeling horrible right now just putting this into words. Is it my duty to leave my job, husband, and life to move 3,000 miles back just to be miserable so she can attempt to be happy. I'm so torn.