Our Family Didnt Stand The Test and We Would LIke to Know What to Do About It
by Disappointed Mom
Last year was a bad one. I broke my ankle in February. Between that and spinal stenosis, I was too sedentary. I also have COPD. I got Bronchitis five times and ended up in the hospital and rehab for a month. We had a 52 year old son living with us at the time who is OCD and I suspect, is Bipolar as well. His moods and influence on our living environment exacerbated my illness and I determined he needed to find his own way.
Our daughter, the oldest, who has always taken it upon herself to be the caretaker, although not requested to do so, became resentful of our middle son. Her feelings are not without validity. while he is the most enjoyable to be with admittedly, he shies away from interactive support as much as possible. in this way, he is very much like his father.
I am fond of saying "I want to live in the State they live in; the "State of Denial"! Our daughter is a control freak; married three times, lost a fortune in real estate but still works very hard.
The problem is, she is an Alcoholic and a drug addict. At the rate she is going (she eats little but drinks morning noon and night) I fear she won't be with us one day. She has spoken to any of us since last May.
She is angry with me because I was going to try to remove our youngest son from our home. Then she became angry with him after she took it upon herself to do so (she stashed him in a motel for a month until she couldn't afford it any longer, then abandoned him; we took him back.
I couldn't allow him and his dog to be homeless.
After being with us for several months the second time around, he finally received his disability benefits which he had been trying to get for four years. He paid us
monies he owed us and sent his sister a cashier's check for $2000 to cover what he felt he owed her. She burned the check, along with a nasty text and sent it to the entire family, threatening if we were to ever "use" her son (our grandson) as an intermediary to get the check to her, she would get a restraining order.
He is 24 years old and was absolutely fine with talking with all of us until just recently. He and his partner live with my daughter and they are all alcoholics.
Recently, the son who was living with us went back to his wife (with our blessings) But the question that was put to us by him and our other son and his wife was, "what are we going to do about you two? Are you going to be OK here? What kind of help is out there, do you know?"
As I read this, I realize we sound like the worst family ever! It wasn't always like this; there was a time when we were all loving and even when things got tough, we came together. I do think, in my daughter's case, the booze completely changed her....but this is my question...and I admit, it is one with some resentment.
For so many years in the past, our children needed us; they needed us to help them with their children while they worked; they sometimes needed us for financial assistance, and they needed us for emotional support as their marriages shattered into pieces.
Now, we are a "problem". It doesn't feel good to be a "problem" just because we are old and frail and can't do all the things we once did. We try as much as possible to take care of one another and overall, I think we do a good job of it.
In a vernacular they and our grandchildren would relate to...."It sucks to see our family resenting one another because of us."