I am actually trying to assist in my father's care, but my sister continues to interfere. I am submitting this in this forum hoping to get insight into the mind of a caregiver.
First, the background...I have twice had to disassociate from my family due to my mother's incessant and deliberate acts to make me seem untrustworthy, inadequate, and a trouble maker.
Her attacks usually followed any reluctance on my part to participate in something shady or telling my father the truth, when asked.
I am the highest educated child of three. I put myself through undergraduate and law school. My sister, the youngest child, has lived in my parent's home for almost all of her 41 years.
Several years ago, she told me, with a tone of glee, that she had pretty much taken over my parents' finances. Knowing that there wasn't much to manage, I let the matter slide.
She and/or my brother, from that point forward told me I was disturbing my father by contacting him, they would inform me when my father passed, I was to pass my message for my dad through my sister, all the way to having to get my sister's okay to visit my father.
I just got into a fight with my sister because she refused to show my dad a comforter, pillows, bedding set, walker, and compression sock aid.
She stated the first three were unsuitable because my father is picky about the stuff, the walker wheels were too loose but she will try using it later, and the compression sock aid was unsuitable.
Eventually, at my prompting, my father insisted on seeing the items and demanded to keep
them. I haven't been able to reached my father by phone for 8 days since. I just asked the police to do a welfare check. They told me he was up and smiling and was with two adults, one mostly likely being my brother.
I have told my sister I will buy my father a Hoyer lift, because he falls often and no one can lift him. The last time he fell, the police had to come and carry him back to bed.
She refused the item stating she didn't want him to become too dependent. She also refused to set up a winter bedroom upstairs until she thinks about it "later".
Finally, she wouldn't agree to making sure my father's access to the upstairs bedroom required a correct turn so he could avoid falling down the stairs when exiting a stair lift.
This all led to a knock down, drag out argument where she accused me of being angry all the time, turning my husband against her (because he inquired about the things that we sent), and materialistic.
Why would she reject help when on my last visit three weeks ago (which she found offensive to my parents because advance notice was not given) I found spiders on the ceiling in many rooms, dusty base boards and windows, and a bath tub which was rusted out?
(She has purportedly changed out the tub, installed a 360 degree shower head and opened a wall to directly access that bathroom from her bedroom all for my father's benefit since then.)
I couldn't give a hoot about inheritance or any monetary benefit for myself, nor have I ever. What is the deal?