Only Those Who are Caretakers Get It
Wow, I read these comments and am just amazed. I am fortunate that my mother is not abusive, everyone thinks she is so cute and sweet.
I always tell them that is because she isn't their mother. Like another person here, she is total unable to make any decision on her own. No independent thoughts at all.
She went from a father who made all her decisions to a husband (my dad) who made all her decisions to expecting me to now do it. It is like having all your own ideas and creativity sucked right out of you.
I also have to be on my toes for scammers. The members of her church think she is the church lending institution. She trusts everyone with a sob story.
Years ago, my parents moved three doors down from me. It is a good thing and a bad thing. Since I am so close, I get to be the "one".
I am the middle kid, 57. My sister is 3 years older, my brother 3 years younger. My brother has been a complete loser his entire life.
Alcoholic and forever being unemployed, one sob story after the next. He still calls mommy for money which he always gets. My sister lives 190 miles away but it doesn't fit her life or her schedule to ever lift a finger to help with mom. She hasn't worked in over 15 years.
I work at a demanding stressful job and hope to retire in about 5 years. Once when my sister was boohooing over the fact that everything is on my back (and it is), I suggested she come down some weekend and be me. You know, drive mom on
all her errands, etc., I want her to see how much time and effort it takes caring for someone elderly.
Dear Lord, I was very quickly informed that gas was $4 a gallon and she didn't think so. She is so cheap you can hear a dime cry twice trying to leave her hands. Her husband is a jerk.
I don't really blame my mom and I wish to God I had more patience. She can't help getting old. Most days I walk around angry and very resentful at my situation. I feel completely trapped right now by both work, my siblings and my mother.
The only thing keeping me going is knowing at some point, I will get my life back. That makes me feel guilty also. I love my mom but I want her to be able to stand on her own two feet without me holding her up, something that will never happen.
She is 89 and in pretty good health. Her mother was 93 and her cousin was 95. It could be a long, long time before she passes.
My stress has overflown into my sleep. I now have a bite guard as I as clenching and grinding my teeth bad enough to loosen my front ones. I also have been experiencing anxiety dreams. Wow are those ever weird dreams.
I thank everyone who has made it this far in my sorry saga. It could be worse, but I want my life back. Some day, just not today. I am thankful for a place to express my thoughts without criticism and drama.
I love my mother, I just hate having to take care of her if that makes any sense at all.