Only Sibling of a Newly Disabled Brother & 70 year Old Mother
(Corpus Christi, TX)
My brother was disabled 4 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was always an angel in my mother's eyes, never did any wrong even though he had a failed marriage due to infidelity, had to get his GED because he couldn't make it through High School, and lived the party life every weekend.
I on the other hand, went to nursing school, got married and have 3 wonderful kids with my husband. I work part-time and make my kids my priority.
After my brother's accident my mom depended on me 100%(my dad left when I was 17). I continued to work and go back and forth to the hospital while my brother was an inpatient.
My husband and I became his guardians after his 2nd wife left him while he was still in a coma! We took care of all the bills, insurance, medical, and the many creditors while my mom took my brother home to care for him.
My mom expected me there several days a week, relied on me to walk my brother as often as possible, and continue to handle the guardianship and take them to all medical appointments.
I offered to get her help, bring someone in to clean, cook, or to sit with my brother so she could get some time away. She actually looked at me and said "why can't you do it?" She refused me hiring any help. She even let a grant expire for a caregiver because she didn't want a stranger in her house.
She told me I didn't
do enough to help her repeatedly. Then she started to tell me I wasn't there enough while my brother was in the hospital.
That was the last straw! My family and I had the opportunity to move 4 hrs away to fulfill our lifelong dream of living by the water. So after speaking to my pastor and even a counselor and realizing it was okay to live out my dreams, we moved!
I continue to drive back every 6 weeks for all medical appointments and continue handling the medical insurance and bills. I am given the "woe is me, you left me all alone"treatment every time I go back.
I also go back the week of holidays to visit or cook or take them to a movie(my college kids come to my home for the holidays so I can't always be with mom on the actual holiday). But if I'm not with her on the actual day of the holiday she tells me how they're all alone.
I just can't seem to win! It's really hard driving back and forth but I do it because it's the right thing to do but the guilt trip I get every time I go is getting old! Sorry for the book but what do I do?
I'm ready to just hire someone to take them to appointments and get myself away from the emotional abuse but my mother would turn help away at her doorstep!she lived her life when she my age-why am I not supposed to have a life with my family?