Only Child of Three

by Elizabeth
(Hobe Sound, FL, USA)

Parents have lived with husband and myself for 20+ years due to relocating and mom and dad loving our new "home". My husband has been the sole supporter of mom and dad, now mom as dad passed 12 years ago.

Two brothers have been asked to help out, and it falls on deaf ears. Two months ago mom suffered massive stroke. Has made progress and is getting stronger every day. Will be coming home shortly. But I cannot continue to take care of her alone.

Have been spending 12 hours a day at rehab with her, and my husband has taken turns with me being there. We are not financially able to pay for help, but my brothers are, yet they have only spent a combined 7 days here to help out, and don't want to discuss anything until after the holidays!

Like mom's stroke should have waited until after Christmas so as to not inconvenience them. If they don't man up and pay for in-home help, I do not know how I am going to do this. I have my own health issues, and cannot continue on the course I am on.

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Mean spirited?
by: Leasa

Did you read her letter at all? Did you read the last paragraph of my letter? Are you the same person that often tells me that God disagrees with me? You think she should give up her marriage and family? Really? If it was working for her, she would not have written that letter asking for advice.

Okay, I am done with this site, I don't need to have anyone talk to me the way you just did. You can have it all to yourself again and tell people that God wants them to wind up alone and they must give their entire lives over to their elderly parents no matter how mean or abusive those parents were or are.

I believe there are solutions to all problems that won't require people to give up on anyone or anything. You don't live in reality and I doubt very much you were a nurse. If you were, the guilt you would reap on people must have been very destructive.

Have fun thumping your bible and making people feel even worse than they do...above all don't encourage real life solutions to real life problems. Oh and before you call other people 'mean spirited' have a look in the mirror.

Stop It Leasa
by: Anonymous

I don't agree with you Leasa. Stop judging other people's lives. This woman is doing what she thinks is best for her parent. Leave her alone. To you, it's just another "old lady" but to this woman, it's her MOTHER.

I, too, would spend 12 hours at the rehab if I have to, in order to make sure my mother gets the right care. I'm a nurse too, and I've work at rehabs and nursing homes and I KNOW what goes on there. THAT is why 12 hours of monitoring them isn't even ENOUGH. I would spend 24/7 if I had to.

The fact remains that many of us on this board do not agree with the mean spirited comments that you make. So stop it. I'm not sure why you are so anti everything that people write on here and think you have the last say on everything.

12 hours?
by: Leasa

I don't know if it's the mood I'm in this morning or if what I'm reading is so seriously devoid of common sense?

Why on earth would you sit in the hospital for 12 hours a day? No rehab exercises takes 12 hours per day. Your mom had a major stroke and at least 6 of these hours would require your mother to rest. I can't figure out why your husband has put up with this all these years.

I hate sounding so harsh, but I can't figure out why with us women, we are so narrow sighted and become so obsessed with one aspect of our lives to the detriment of all others.

I am a former nurse and have spent years working in nursing homes and I've seen it all.

If you want any kind of marriage or life you must realize now you cannot become mom's full time at home care giver. If you do you will be sending another letter to this site, complaining about how lonely you are and how you feel so abandoned now that mom takes up your entire being.

I loved my mom with all my heart and I've been where you are now. My husband had to step in as well as my brothers because I was emotionally killing myself over her needs. Step back, take a breath...and look at your situation from the outside. Make changes. It does not mean that you love your mom less, but only that you love yourself and your family as much.

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