Only Child Caretaker to 93 Year Old Parent. Feeling Abandoned by my Family

by Claire
(Los Angeles)

I am responsible for taking care of my dad.

Not one person in the family as been there for me to help out. His brother and sister have nothing to do with him.

My husband and I couldn't stand the constant phone calls at all hours of the day and night from my father, so I hired a Home Health Aide. He now has one for during the week and one for the weekend, but it's only for several hours a day.

My father now acts like a little boy. He wants constant attention and feels the world revolves around him. Also his memory isn't great and he's very anxious. My husband helps when he cans, but he works full time and doesn't have the
patience for my dad.

All he does is complain about everyone and everything. He never has a nice thing to say. Whenever I visit him he's in a bad mood.

The entire situation is very depressing. He doesn't appreciate anything that my husband and I do for him. My back is against the wall because I've got no choice here.

I resent being the only one showing any concern. He has grandchildren and a daughter in law. They are a no show and hardly call him.

I am angry, disgusted, and fed up!

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Being an Aged Carer
by: Anonymous

I am also a sole carer of my 93 year old father. I am 69 years old and have had arthritis for the past 20 years and finding it so difficult. I am an only child so it's my duty but I am finding it so hard.

My father is blind and deaf and thinks I can be at his beck and call all day. I find that these days I don't even have friends because I don't have any social life.

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In the same boat
by: Bittersweet

It's always the way it goes. One child has the dubious responsibility of caring for one or both parents.

In my family, it's me. I'm the only girl(3 brothers) therefore EXPECTED to be the caregiver. My mother outright asked me if she could live with me....what could I say? I was not happy to do it, but I did it.

Ten long years later she's still with me, driving me nuts with her mood swings and petty demands.

She's 91 and sometimes I think she's never going to die. All we can do is pray for our fellow caregivers...God Bless.

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Sounds Familiar
by: Anonymous

Sounds very familiar. It seems there is always just one family member that will step up and do the decent thing.

The others see you do that, and they are more than happy to let you carry the whole load. It is totally unfair and I believe they will reap something very bad from this.

Has your Dad been diagnosed with a dementia related illness? If so, try to get a book on the subject, it can help understand his behavior. It is hard to deal with but it sounds like you have some help with home health.

Don't give up. Keep doing good. You will be blessed for it in the end.

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