Only Child and Two Very Bitter Elderly Parents

by Kristi
(The Show-Me State)

After dozens of late night and early morning calls over falls, can't get appliances to work, one wrecked car, several angry, cursing ER visits, I got the courage (and opportunity) to move my 93 year old dad and 86 year old mother from their home of 45 years to an assisted living facility.

It's been a journey of pure exhaustion and hell. With a family of my own of two young children and being an only child myself, it has been a burden that is overwhelming. I realized I needed help with my parents despite what they thought.

Now that they are in a place (which is VERY nice) that can provide around the clock care and make their lives easier and more fulfilled they continue being bitter, and angry. A simple "good morning" gets a nasty response of "what's good about it?"

I'm to the point where I can't talk to either of them for more than 5 minutes because they both are so sour. I've learned that nothing will please them. All I can do it make sure they are safe and ask God to be with them.

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You did something hard!
by: Gina

I'm also an Only and my 90-yr old mom is single.She lives next door to me, both a blessing and sometimes feels like not a blessing ;-)

My husband's mom and husband live in a hear town and my husband and his 2 brothers just did not/would not see the signs of their parent's rapid decline.

They were broke and didn't even own their home (they were upside down on the mortgage). Stepfather-in-law very uncooperative and also had Parkinson's, thought our family and my local brother-in-law's family were going to care for them.

We all still had kids in school and full-time jobs, so NO. Very long story short, I got in-laws into nursing homes (stepdad is now passed away but not before he had to become a ward of the state because he wouldn't give anyone Power of Attorney to deal with his daily needs).

Getting my mom-in-law into a close, reputable facility was the best thing. Is she happy about being there? No, but there isn't any other option so we keep our visits short and go home guilt-free. My own mom is veering into daily crankiness and I just meet anything sour with a smile and change to a positive comment (like, It's gorgeous outside today! And if she harrumphs that I totally ignore her and go on to some productive conversation).

If you don't redirect the mood and conversation you will find yourself populating their pity party and it is a waste of emotional energy. Mostly your loved ones may be exhibiting some of the many signs of dementia or depression. Have they been seen by their physical to check for depression? Almost everyone in American nursing homes are checked and given meds to help improve their daily outlook. Pat yourself on the back for doing a spot-on job of caring for them!

ATTA Girl!
by: Anonymous

The fact that you actually accomplished this (getting 2 bitter difficult people moved into a home) is huge. You have done what millions of us fantasize about but CANNOT get done.

If they are nasty, stay away....over time they will get the message.

Your life has value too. They still have each other to rail, wail and confer with. Dont make yourself their pet whipping post.

I am in the same boat, but cannot get the ogre to leave his rock. Hang in there...please take care of YOU,,,,it is your turn.

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