One Foot Out The Door

by Patricia
(El Cajon California)

I am just a daughter in law. Was told by my husbands brothers that they want nothing to do with helping us take care of THEIR parents. I am now being asked to leave my job to move in with them. Neither my husband or I want to do this.

We've been helping 7 days a week for three years now. Granted the folks helped us financially, but I have been there helping with many things for 30 years. I am so stressed about taking care of people who are not mine. We were told that there may be an audit of the folks money, what this means, I have no idea. What if one of them falls? Will I be held responsible? Is any of this worth my frustration or feeling so lost?

The folks dropped a bombshell and gave their house to my husband. This ensures us taking care of them doesn't it? We did not ask for this.

The brothers are very upset about this. I've got one foot out of the door as we speak. I do not want to give up on 30 years with my husband but by the time I would be done taking care of folks, I will be too old to even enjoy life.

We also have a family and grandchildren. I can't even go see them because neither brother will take over for us even for a small amount of time. I did not sign on to give my life up. I think I've done enough. Marriage, or take care of these folks to the grave? What am I going to do???????????

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I can Feel your Frustration
by: Lynn

First, what is your husband's position on this? I think you and he will have to agree on a plan if you want to keep your marriage intact. You need to get some legal advice as quickly as possible, especially about the audit and the "gift" of the house.

Possibly the house could be put into a Living Trust to appease your husband's siblings. What is the state of your in law's health, and how much care do they need? Moving into the house until you get some answers might not be the best move.

We got some recent advice that was very good regarding this type of situation - it's easier to slowly move forward than try to back off. If they get accustomed to your being there, it will be much harder to leave.

You have options at this point and you need to find out what they are. Believe me, I understand your frustration and pain, and agree that you have a right to your life - I am in the process of working out the same issues. Good luck!

They Want the House but Not the Work
by: Anonymous

I say you've more than bought that house ten times over. Please, please, please, never give up your job. That is your only independence. If you give that up, you will lose everything and be truly stuck. What options will you have?

Believe me. Even if the folks say the house is yours and your husband's, if the will doesn't say so, when they die, all the non-contributing siblings will fight tooth and nail for their "fair" share of what you have given up your life for.

Keep your job and do your best to sock away as much money as you can for your own future. These aren't even your parents. Are your parents living? Do you get to visit them? You truly did not sign on to be the slave to your in-laws.

Remember, never give up your job. It's all you have for yourself!!!!!!

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