On the Farm...what the hell have I done?

I was STUPID enough to drag my family back to the home farm 23 years ago to begin a life of indentured servitude for my whole family to help my elderly controlling parents.

We have worked full time jobs and on his farm for no pay for all this time. When we struggle financially we get a tirade about not being able to live frugally. Compared to all other humans out there I am the portrait of frugal living. I am 50 years old and have never had my nails done!

Now my kids are grown and want NOTHING to do with my surviving 93 year old father who is a negative, spiteful control freak.

It took a county sheriff to make him stop driving last year. We could not even though he put many lives in danger on the road.

We have asked for some of the family antiques and he always says no but he will give piles of them away to people at church.

My brother who does nothing for him and has nothing to do with him showed up last week to repay a 30 year old loan of significant amount and my father told him to forget about it.

We work our butts off and get nothing but criticism for it.

When I was 16 my father brutally beat me. Today he would be sitting in jail. I was so scared to leave home, I just took it. I spend a lot of time wondering what my life could have been like if I just could have had someone who really cared get me out of there and showed my what life could have in store for me instead of just getting sucked back in to his control.

I am at my wits end, bitter and desperate for some freedom. How do any of you all get past this, how do you cope. Now I understand how some people just walk away.

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I Left the Farm
by: Anonymous

I stayed with the farm because my extremely wealthy parents needed a serf......I worked with the farm until 43.... Beatings verbal abuse emotional warfare....

I lived through it thought I was useless...so...I had a four year degree so used it to go into an alternative teaching degree....

I married late because I thought no one could love me...I was wrong... I now work with students with similar issues....I still care for parents..literally but have an outlet to support my family and people who value me ....you can too!

Look for a way to walk,away......you can't make someone value you.... I am damaged goods but decided to do something with the rest of my life at 60 life is peaceful ....see myself as a healing generation....my children protected from violent parents......start exploring options and don't tell,ANYONE your plans.....until in place. Parents will be vindictive ....God bless get out on your terms soon!

Just Walk Away
by: Anonymous

It's funny how a lot of the entries here usually have their answers in their own words. Maybe it's just in the venting of their feelings that they arrive at what they need to do.

You said it in your last sentence. "Now I understand why people just walk away." Period.
You said it. You understand it. That's your answer. Easy? Never. Worth it? Why not find out. Sounds like you have nothing to lose.

by: Anonymous

Wow. Your story is tough, even to read. I can feel the anger just fm the words. You have proven yourself to be a very dependable and responsible person, even to the ones who hurt you from the beginning.

Anger usually covers hurt, and I believe you are hurting a lot. Do you have people with whom you can talk? Do you get away from here at all? Have you considered a home for your father? It's time you help yourself, but I am sure that it's difficult to do so.

I don't know any answers, but will be praying for you.

On the Farm
by: Anonymous

You are the only one that can do it, your fifty years old so have a lot of years AHEAD,now it is your choice either put up with this obnoxious man or walk away, I know what I would do.

He`s not going to change and by the looks of it you are not going to gain financially, so what are you waiting for. My father was a mean, nasty man he loathed me from the time I was born, they don't change, so it is time for you to stand up for yourself, and tell him to get lost, you will feel so much better for it.

You only have one life so make the most of it, when you do walk away, who knows he may come running, as at his age he is vulnerable, there comes a time in everyone's life when they must `make a stand` and you time is well overdue.

I would never have forgive my father if he had given me a beating, and you should not either, maybe if you have more courage and stand up for yourself, he may have more respect for you, go for it you have nothing to lose.

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