Oldest Sister Dodges Responsibility
My oldest sister who is a teacher and lives within driving distance to my very elderly mother does as little as possible to help. She has the most time off and has a husband who supports her high end lifestyle. She will rarely visit my mother and not on major holidays but will visit a few weeks early for a day just to get her "turn" over with and claim she was just there. I have to fly 3,000 miles to help out. I am managing my mother's weekend caretaker and my brother manages the weekday caretaker. We take care of all her household issues from long distance. My mother refuses to move anywhere.
When my sister makes an appearance, it is only for a day. She claims to sweep the garage floor and leaves us a list of things needed to be done! We can't even shame her into pulling her weight. We buy all the thank you gifts for the people who help my mother on a regular basis. I do all the family PR for relatives and neighbors. I asked for contributions for the caretaker Christmas bonuses and get no response.
I'm single and have a small salary. My sister puts on a show and promises all kinds of things but never delivers. We just get some lame excuse at the last minute or she gives some secretive hint that there are private issues she can't talk about. The "big " secrets have been going on her whole life and amount to really petty stupid things. She is completely selfish and entitled.
When my father died she thought it would be great if everyone had Mom visit for a few weeks each year. Between all of us Mom would be busy and not too lonely. Of course she never had my mother visit, nor did she even visit my mother for years! She had too many vacation plans that could be disrupted.
When my mother dies and everything is settled I will never speak to her again and only wish her ill will until then. I hope her son treats her the same as she treats our mother!
Cutting back helping on my part would only hurt my mother.