Oldest Sister Dodges Responsibility

My oldest sister who is a teacher and lives within driving distance to my very elderly mother does as little as possible to help. She has the most time off and has a husband who supports her high end lifestyle. She will rarely visit my mother and not on major holidays but will visit a few weeks early for a day just to get her "turn" over with and claim she was just there. I have to fly 3,000 miles to help out. I am managing my mother's weekend caretaker and my brother manages the weekday caretaker. We take care of all her household issues from long distance. My mother refuses to move anywhere.


When my sister makes an appearance, it is only for a day. She claims to sweep the garage floor and leaves us a list of things needed to be done! We can't even shame her into pulling her weight. We buy all the thank you gifts for the people who help my mother on a regular basis. I do all the family PR for relatives and neighbors. I asked for contributions for the caretaker Christmas bonuses and get no response.

I'm single and have a small salary. My sister puts on a show and promises all kinds of things but never delivers. We just get some lame excuse at the last minute or she gives some secretive hint that there are private issues she can't talk about. The "big " secrets have been going on her whole life and amount to really petty stupid things. She is completely selfish and entitled.

When my father died she thought it would be great if everyone had Mom visit for a few weeks each year. Between all of us Mom would be busy and not too lonely. Of course she never had my mother visit, nor did she even visit my mother for years! She had too many vacation plans that could be disrupted.

When my mother dies and everything is settled I will never speak to her again and only wish her ill will until then. I hope her son treats her the same as she treats our mother!

Cutting back helping on my part would only hurt my mother.

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Oldest sister is retired and helps very little
by: Anonymous

My oldest sister lives only two hours from Mom. She is single, retired, divorced and educated. I have asked her repeatedly for help with Mom. She will agree, but often has an excuse for not following through.

I am married, work full time and help Mom on a regular basis. I'm expected to be the caregiver because I am a RN and I live close. I have decided to stop asking for help because I have become resentful and angry.

I have decided to stop communication with my sister because she only focuses on herself and her problems. I have power of attorney and for some reason my older sister is jealous and asked for control of the money.

I have a younger brother who is Mom's favorite. He has stopped visiting Mom so often because he has a girl friend now. Nothing will change except Mom's health. I cared for Dad when he was sick with no help so I should have known this was in store.

Mom is 85 and I will have no regrets. My friend said you can't teach someone to care and she was correct.

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Siblings Dodge Responsibilities
by: Resentment towards siblings

I am dealing with the same issues - 7 siblings and if each one took one day to go visit it would be a relief knowing someone is looking after and mainly letting her feel like they care.

I personally think it is harder on me knowing how little my siblings look on my mom. It tears at me more then seeing her age day by day. I had words with one sibling today because mom had a doctors apptointment on a day my sister was off and she had every excuse in the book why she couldn't take her.

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Can't Agree More
by: Anonymous

Your story resonated with me so much that it's eerie. In my case, my sibling lives 2 hrs away. She is married and they live a fairly well-off lifestyle. I am single and live close to Mom and do everything for her plus work a demanding job.

My sister is fairly spoiled and through the years has managed to get everything she has ever wanted: the man, the house, the trips (they took a number of nice trips to Europe and routinely go on get-away weekends)while I've had to put my entire life on hold to help Mom. I don't begrudge my mother though. It's not her fault that she's old and sick. I want to do my best for her.

It's just very hard to deal with watching my sister make progress in her life and take nice vacations when I haven't had one in years.

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