Oldest Daughter

by Betsy

I am the oldest of three daughters. Our Mom passed away 8 years ago from Alzheimer's, and it was my Dad and I who always visited her in the nursing home, etc.

My sisters barely ever saw her. When our mother died, it was my Dad and myself standing in their house, picking out her clothes to be buried in and the artifacts I wanted her to be buried with.

Again, no support from the others. My sisters have visited Mom's grave exactly once since she has passed. They both live farther away geographically than I do from Dad (and then Mom) but it was only a very short car ride to the cemetery and to the nursing home.

Fast forward and we are now approaching 3 years with Dad being in Assisted Living. He is starting to fail - he is 89 years old and is not walking well and has taken a few falls.

I am always the one who gets his phone calls (sometimes 3 times or more a day) mainly because he is bored sitting in his room. He refuses to participate in any of their activities, so in fact, I am his "life". I work full time and have a family of my own.

I get to make all of the decisions about his care, although one of my sisters is a NURSE. The family dynamics here are, to say the least, very twisted. They are very content to allow me to make all decisions concerning Dad.

I talk with my husband and my best friend to keep my sanity, but have built up terrible resentment towards the others for their lack of caring about our parents.

Anyone out there been in a similar situation?

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Disappearing Act
by: Anonymous

My Dad is 95 he has 4 daughters 2 of us live near by and the other 2 are in other states. I am the oldest and try to help my Dad as he has always been there for all of us.

I drive him everywhere, help him at home and always get him what he needs. This past year I got sick and was pretty wiped out for 7-8 months.

During this time, I continued to take care of Dad's needs,etc. My Sister never once came forth to help. Since then I find that she simply disappears when she is needed or could take on some of the problems that arise fairly regularly.

Recently, I hired a helper for my Dad to come once a week, because I have a business to run as well. He doesn't like it, but he can barely walk so he knows he needs the help

Whenever I ask my sister to do anything to help she simply cuts off communication and fades into the background until I get it handled. Mind you of the kids Dad has helped, he has helped her more than the rest of us put together.

I don't want him to feel hurt by her so I say nothing to him. She's in it only for what she can get out of him monetarily. It's pretty sad. I'm trying to just keep on and not feel judgmental, etc., but some days its not easy.

I can't understand how you treat the worlds best Father like that.

Been There
by: Anonymous

Yes, I've been there where you are, resenting my siblings. This is what I learned and what worked for me: I learned that the only person I was harming with my resentments was myself....well, frump! And that the anger was dragging me down.

I started writing out my resentments and putting them in my 'God Box'. When the box gets full I burn the contents and bury it in my garden. Now, I expect nothing from anyone and do the best I can for mom.

This is great, I am way more happy.
My hope for you is that you too can figure out what will help you to release the anger. Venting on this site is a great way to start!
Youngest Daughter, Santa Rosa CA

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