by Jann Downes
(Grand Prairie, Texas USA)

My 2 sisters and I live in the same town. I went through hell getting our mom on Medicaid and CBA, then eventually in a nice assisted living. They rarely lift a finger for her or me. They might come by for an hour or two every other week or sometimes once a week, but they serve a little time, then go back to their lives. I am left with everything that woman needs. They come by just enough for me to not be able to say that they do nothing.

I've fought, and begged, and pleaded for them to do the right thing toward mom and me, but they will not. They say I'm supposed to keep them informed of any needs their mom has. Then when I do, they have excuses for not doing the right thing. I can honestly say that I hate them, even though I know that hate will take the life right out of you. But, yes, I do hate them so badly.

I have a family, and troubles, and responsibilities just like everyone else, yet I have to sacrifice my life away to take care of her because the elderly have many needs. CAN YOU HELP ME because I'm a good person and I feel much hate in me right now. I am drained and totally depressed. When it gets down to where the rubber meets the road I find them evil, even though they go to church and think very highly of themselves!

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Caregiver Burnout
by: Anonymous

I can relate to resentment of siblings who do not show care for my elderly, disabled mother.

One brother is also disabled and calls our mother every day and burdens her with his own needs and criticizes me. Another brother lives one hour away and pops in like a cuckoo clock just to let us know he is still alive. He is absolutely worthless when it comes to real help for my mother.

A third brother is helpful, kind, considerate and supportive. For this I am so grateful. My suggestion is stay balanced and healthy yourself.

Recruit other helpers such as Adult Day Services, in home companion care, churches, friends, Department on Aging, respite care, and other community resources. Also, resist the "martyre" syndrome.

We are choosing to care for our elderly parent because it is the right thing to do for them at this time, and we love our parent(s). We value family home care over institutional care (at least for as long as we are able to provide care); and we have choices and need to be flexible.

What is best overall for mom (and us) may change as the needs change.

Need Extra more Patience..
by: Anonymous

I have the same sentiments in caring for my 84 yr.old mother..

I have 4 brothers and two sisters, yet I am the only one caring for my mother because she wants to stay with me.I find it very hard to serve them all as I have 2 daughters ages 14 and my husband is so lazy to help in household chores.

I quit my job just to give them full time attention and it's really tiring and stressful. I would cry sometimes because seems life is unfair to me. My mom finds me a very diligent daughter, obedient and hard worker, in fact I'm the only one in the family who finished college and has worked in a multi-million company.

I have helped them and even send their children to school during those good old times. But now we are suffering financially due to my lack of job and my husband's income could not support us sufficiently. Now, that I am financially broke, my sisters and brothers just ignore me, would not even dare to offer their help financially, physically for our mother.

Well, I just accept my fate, that this is the life that God prepares for me..Life is sometimes unfair but for the sake of my 2 teenage girls, they need my guidance being their mother, I love them so much and I don't want them to suffer like me so I need to be strong for them and life must go on.

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