Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings

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Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings

by Jann
(Grand Prairie, TX)

Oh yes I resent my siblings not contributing as much as they should! In fact I'm extremely ANGRY!

Both of my "ex" sisters live in town, one doesn't even WORK, yet it's mainly left for me, and am I upset? You'd better believe it! They have given up the rights to be my sister, I can honestly say that I despise them with all my heart. The one thing that we've always agreed with is how difficult mom can be, but instead of sharing the load, they dumped it all on me and yes, I'm upset, I'm EXTREMELY upset!

I have a lot of days when I can't find a way to deal with the anger and I know it has to be hurting my health in every way. Is this what one gets for having a heart and caring? I'm at my wits end!!!!!!!

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Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings

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Also Sister-less
by: Rebecca

I really get it! While I CHOSE to move back home to help my difficult, elderly mother take care of my more difficult, elderly father because he has dementia, I never expected that it could be this bad for this long!

Both of my "sisters" are in the same town, too. One of them, a prescription-drug-addled, Victoria Secret online-shopping-fiend NARCISSIST lies (and lies!) around all day, watching TV. The other "sister" rarely ever comes around. Once a year, maybe she'll take our parents out so I can get a few hours to myself.

While I appreciate that, it's really too little, too late. Meanwhile, my father's raging anger and bizarre personality are not-so-slowly sucking the life out of me. I'm sure the stress of dealing with this situation for the last 7 years has shortened my lifespan.

I've had no health insurance since I had to leave my job, so I haven't seen a doctor in 7 years, so I'm only guessing that the stress is affecting my health. I know exactly how you feel. Don't know what to say to help you, except that I feel for you.

Our "family", such as it was, is totally destroyed because of this situation, and I couldn't dislike my "sisters" or my father anymore than I do. I feel like I'm just trying to stay alive long enough to have a little enjoyment after this nightmare is over.

I was struck by your words, and I know you know how I feel. Thanks for sharing. At least I feel like I'm not the only one!

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Burning Resentments Helped Me
by: Anonymous

I too "feel your pain." What Phyllis wrote was really insightful. Even though I am angry at the no help and weight of it all I too have created some good memories with my mom (especially when she accidentally? sprays me with the shower head and we both have a laughing fit!)

Today, I wrote down all my resentments, some was just a name of a sibling(I know what the resentments are just the name was enough to write) and then I put the papers in my heavy ceramic bowl and took it into my secret garden and set the paper resentments on fire! Seeing all that smoke (and there was a lot of smoke) wafting up into the sky lightened my heart. I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow and the next day and the next until my heart actually feels lighter and less resentful. The resentments are only hurting me, I know this.....they are hard to let go of though. Mary

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Blood Relation means Nothing
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain.. I am the youngest of 3 brothers and for the last 15 years, my 2 older brothers have NEVER helped/spent time with our "difficult" mother. Not even once.

They come around "maybe" once a year and act like they are doing everyone a favor, acting like, "whats the big deal?".. I have absolutely lost all respect for both of them. I know my mother is hurt by this, but she has a lot of pride and will never show it in front of anybody EXCEPT ME. Not only that, everyone tries to give me a guilt trip when I complain about it.. and that makes me want to break one of their noses.

I have sacrificed many things that I wanted to do with my life (the last 15 years) in order to stay with my mother and help her because I know she is scared of being alone. My 2 older brothers have NEVER done anything except help themselves. It makes me sick to even look at their faces now and I will be severing all ties with them this year.

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Felt same Way!
by: Anonymous

Throughout the dealings with my parents, I have felt the same hate for my sisters. As time passes and the parents get worse or pass away,(Dad's gone now) the pain lessens some and turns hate to sadness. I still do not feel I will ever be close with my sisters because of the way they treated me earlier. I may forgive them in time. Now, I am glad I have a wonderful husband and some great friends that treat me better than my sisters do.

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Resenting your Sibilings
by: Phyllis

Jann, I am in almost an identical situation as you, only it's my father. While I know how hard it is to do it all alone you will survive it. I don't get mad at my sisters for not helping. I feel it is a personal choice as to whether anyone wants to give up some of their time to do this.

In my case all 3 said they did not want the responsibility. Is it selfish? You're darn right. I do believe it will come back to them one day.

And I look at it as their personal choice. I am okay with them not helping but am not okay with the fact that they can't call or visit often enough for it to make a difference. It hurts my father deeply but he hides that hurt from all of them. He has a lot of pride. Nor does he feel close to any of them anymore. I also think that by doing it alone I have learned so much, especially how to how more patience and I have a good feeling in my heart for doing it. I also have made memories that they will never experience because of their selfishness.

Let your resentment towards them go - it will only end up hurting your health and you don't want that. Direct your feelings in another direction and stay positive that what you are doing is a blessing to your mother, even if she is or was difficult, she won't always be.

Believe me, after she's gone you will miss her and you will find that you only remember the good things about her. Good Luck, hope things improve for you.

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Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings

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Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings