Oh yes! I Resent my Siblings

by Jann
(Grand Prairie, TX)

Oh yes I resent my siblings not contributing as much as they should! In fact I'm extremely ANGRY!

Both of my "ex" sisters live in town, one doesn't even WORK, yet it's mainly left for me, and am I upset? You'd better believe it! They have given up the rights to be my sister, I can honestly say that I despise them with all my heart. The one thing that we've always agreed with is how difficult mom can be, but instead of sharing the load, they dumped it all on me and yes, I'm upset, I'm EXTREMELY upset!

I have a lot of days when I can't find a way to deal with the anger and I know it has to be hurting my health in every way. Is this what one gets for having a heart and caring? I'm at my wits end!!!!!!!

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by: Anonymous

I have come to terms with the fact my sisters do nothing to help with my mother. I'm ok with that. I don't mind caring for her. I feel like I am an only child.

It does, however, break my heart that my mother feels that her other children don't love her. She has bailed my one sister out of debt countless times with no thank you.

My mother has never had money but would give her last cent to help her children, just to be forgotten when she needs them most. She's going to die believing this.

I actually find myself time and time again trying to convince her how much they love her but they just have an odd way of showing it. It's hard to convince her when I can't convince myself. Absolutely heartbreaking!

Resentment Towards Siblings
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel. My mother has been with me for 28 years with no financial contributions from either of her pathetic sons.

I don't have brothers. Nothing I do is ever good enough though. They don't phone or have any interest in her what so-ever but they have shiny halo's.

I can understand the bitterness towards siblings and unfortunately it goes over to mother because sons are everything.I wonder if they can be sued for the past 27 years of non-contribution.

I am also resentful
by: Anonymous

My elder sister does minimal for our father who had 3 strokes. She had Dad over her house twice in two years and both times I had to bring him.

Two years ago her brat daughter was home and Dad and I were invited over. We were ushered out because Dad embarrassed the brat in front of her twenty something boyfriend. I am so resentful I could choke.

I had Written Earlier about my Dad and Sister in California
by: Anonymous

Dad has since passed away. Sister was not informed immediately that death was soon as she sent me a restraining order to not speak to her and husband. I couldn't be that mean, so text-ed her that dad only had a few days to live - she text-ed "got that message thank you".

Never saw her, was stressed about seeing her at the funeral. Thankfully she did not show up - told my aunt she felt she would be a distraction (!) and that "her back hurt" and she couldn't fly - though she was here in June and flew to Hawaii in mid- August.

Brother and I had a wonderful service for Dad, with everything read that he had written since Mom died. I am at peace with what we did, how it was handled and have no regrets. Also, as oldest, I was to get the military flag, but deferred it to my brother, who has his moments, trust me, as we all do, but without I don't know how I would have made it.

Thanks for listening - hope you all come to peace with your situations - it sucks. Too bad siblings have to be the way they are.....

It's the Right Thing to Do.
by: e.o.

I left home when I was only 15 years old because my parents were very abusive to me. My younger sister on the other hand was their angel, their smart one, their pride and joy. They would give that girl the world if they could.

To this day at 53 years old, I still don’t understand why they treated me so badly. But here I am running myself ragged physically, financially and emotionally taking care of the both of them.

My sister says she has her life and doesn’t want to be burdened with them and their problems. She hasn’t even called them for over a year.

Am I angry with my sister? You bet! Do I want to take care of them? No way! Why am I doing it? Because it’s the right thing to do.

I Resent my Selfish Sister (Youngest of Course)
by: Anonymous

My brother and I live in the same state, sister enjoys her freedom in California. Hasn't worked in the last 18 years she has been there. Mom died of lung cancer 13 years ago - when we thought she was going, sister, husband and 2 babies came to stay in my small cape house - for 3 weeks.

Sister went and visited all her hometown friends, husband took care of babies, couldn't even come out to help my husband when he was stuck in 3 feet of snow on his way to get his mother in law her morphine. They left, she died 2 months later, sister came, missed the death, enjoyed again seeing her friends at the funeral/wake.

Now dad has dementia, is a different combative person. Recently sister showed up unannounced w/her teen son on fathers day, to save the day!

But before she told me she was here, she spent two days in the city sightseeing w/her friend. When she showed up, oh dad needs a haircut, dad needs the house cleaned, I will do this that and the other thing. Quickly realized he's not in his right mind and could not deal with it.

Wanted me to go out to dinner w/her and dad. I did not go as I thought she had come to "relieve" me, not to make me see him and deal with him more. We have not spoken since except by mean texts back and forth - I told her could not believe she didn't come to see me - she said "you wouldn't go out with dad and the rest of the days you were working". What? I didn't even know you were coming!

Now Dad in in a geriatric psych unit - locked. She has called him so many times and told him if he doesn't want to take his medicine, its his life, he doesn't have to, yada yada yada Then the nurses call me and beg me to talk him into takings his medications. We have since put a passcode into place where she cannot get info on him without knowing the code.

Her husband, an ambulance chasing lawyer at his 7th job, texted me and told me he was going to sue me for harassment thru the FCC in Fed Court. I haven't said a word to them since, and plan to never speak to them again. She sent him flowers, when I went to see him, dad sat with the flower card in his hand and said "my little Susie" I just love her so much.

At least my brother and I share all his care - I could never do this alone. Thanks for reading/listening.

Also Sister-less
by: Rebecca

I really get it! While I CHOSE to move back home to help my difficult, elderly mother take care of my more difficult, elderly father because he has dementia, I never expected that it could be this bad for this long!

Both of my "sisters" are in the same town, too. One of them, a prescription-drug-addled, Victoria Secret online-shopping-fiend NARCISSIST lies (and lies!) around all day, watching TV. The other "sister" rarely ever comes around. Once a year, maybe she'll take our parents out so I can get a few hours to myself.

While I appreciate that, it's really too little, too late. Meanwhile, my father's raging anger and bizarre personality are not-so-slowly sucking the life out of me. I'm sure the stress of dealing with this situation for the last 7 years has shortened my lifespan.

I've had no health insurance since I had to leave my job, so I haven't seen a doctor in 7 years, so I'm only guessing that the stress is affecting my health. I know exactly how you feel. Don't know what to say to help you, except that I feel for you.

Our "family", such as it was, is totally destroyed because of this situation, and I couldn't dislike my "sisters" or my father anymore than I do. I feel like I'm just trying to stay alive long enough to have a little enjoyment after this nightmare is over.

I was struck by your words, and I know you know how I feel. Thanks for sharing. At least I feel like I'm not the only one!

Burning Resentments Helped Me
by: Anonymous

I too "feel your pain." What Phyllis wrote was really insightful. Even though I am angry at the no help and weight of it all I too have created some good memories with my mom (especially when she accidentally? sprays me with the shower head and we both have a laughing fit!)

Today, I wrote down all my resentments, some was just a name of a sibling(I know what the resentments are just the name was enough to write) and then I put the papers in my heavy ceramic bowl and took it into my secret garden and set the paper resentments on fire! Seeing all that smoke (and there was a lot of smoke) wafting up into the sky lightened my heart. I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow and the next day and the next until my heart actually feels lighter and less resentful. The resentments are only hurting me, I know this.....they are hard to let go of though. Mary

Blood Relation means Nothing
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain.. I am the youngest of 3 brothers and for the last 15 years, my 2 older brothers have NEVER helped/spent time with our "difficult" mother. Not even once.

They come around "maybe" once a year and act like they are doing everyone a favor, acting like, "whats the big deal?".. I have absolutely lost all respect for both of them. I know my mother is hurt by this, but she has a lot of pride and will never show it in front of anybody EXCEPT ME. Not only that, everyone tries to give me a guilt trip when I complain about it.. and that makes me want to break one of their noses.

I have sacrificed many things that I wanted to do with my life (the last 15 years) in order to stay with my mother and help her because I know she is scared of being alone. My 2 older brothers have NEVER done anything except help themselves. It makes me sick to even look at their faces now and I will be severing all ties with them this year.

Felt same Way!
by: Anonymous

Throughout the dealings with my parents, I have felt the same hate for my sisters. As time passes and the parents get worse or pass away,(Dad's gone now) the pain lessens some and turns hate to sadness. I still do not feel I will ever be close with my sisters because of the way they treated me earlier. I may forgive them in time. Now, I am glad I have a wonderful husband and some great friends that treat me better than my sisters do.

Resenting your Sibilings
by: Phyllis

Jann, I am in almost an identical situation as you, only it's my father. While I know how hard it is to do it all alone you will survive it. I don't get mad at my sisters for not helping. I feel it is a personal choice as to whether anyone wants to give up some of their time to do this.

In my case all 3 said they did not want the responsibility. Is it selfish? You're darn right. I do believe it will come back to them one day.

And I look at it as their personal choice. I am okay with them not helping but am not okay with the fact that they can't call or visit often enough for it to make a difference. It hurts my father deeply but he hides that hurt from all of them. He has a lot of pride. Nor does he feel close to any of them anymore. I also think that by doing it alone I have learned so much, especially how to how more patience and I have a good feeling in my heart for doing it. I also have made memories that they will never experience because of their selfishness.

Let your resentment towards them go - it will only end up hurting your health and you don't want that. Direct your feelings in another direction and stay positive that what you are doing is a blessing to your mother, even if she is or was difficult, she won't always be.

Believe me, after she's gone you will miss her and you will find that you only remember the good things about her. Good Luck, hope things improve for you.

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